But then we find ourselves running up against a wall when our beliefs and behaviors get in the way of taking the action that we know we need to take.  We know that we “should” stick to our budget, yet we find ourselves spontaneously making large purchases on things that aren’t on our budget.  We know that we “should” be able to increase our income, yet we don’t believe we actually can.  As a result we don’t take action.

What Gets In the Way of Achieving Prosperity and Wealth

Our behaviors frequently get in the way of “right” action and create money problems for us.  This is because we mistakenly believe that action is the source of creating results.  Because we believe that action is the source of results we fail to focus on the true source of results, which is who we’re BEING.

Being is what influences the actions that we take.  When I say “being”.  I’m referring to what is actually operating for us at the level of our beliefs, thoughts and emotions.  Let’s say you’re self-employed and you know you need to make more money – yet you also believe that it’s impossible to make more money or bring in new clients in today’s current economy.

However, you know you need to take action so you go out and make cold calls, knock on people’s doors and advertise.  The problem is that you’re taking action from a place of being “It’s not possible to make money in today’s economy.”  This results in a lot of action, but little to show for it.

One of my clients believed that a spending plan would deprive her of freedom and that it would always be difficult to stick to.  Because of this she kept coming up with “justifiable excuses” for putting off creating her spending plan.

How To Create a Financial Breakthrough

It was until we talked about who she was “being” in regards to her spending plan that she was able to see that sticking to her spending plan could actually provide her with the freedom she truly desired and give her the ability to make more conscious choices.  She had a phenomenal breakthrough and was instantly motivated into action.

If you’re taking financial action, but not getting the results you desire in your life.  Take a moment to reflect on “who you are being” in regards to money.  It is by looking at who you’re being that you can transform yourself from being the mouse on the proverbial hamster wheel into taking action from a place of inspiration, ease and effortlessness.

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

The trail contoured a steep hillside.  I soon found myself at my familiar perch—a rock outcropping that overlooked the valley below.  I’ve looked upon this view countless times, but something struck me on this particular evening as I witnessed the lights coming on inside the houses below and the cars traveling on distant roads.

A passage from Deepak Chopra’s book, The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, came to my mind. It reads:

“At a deeper level, there really is no boundary between selves and everything else in the world.  When you touch an object, it feels solid, as though there is a distinct boundary between it and you.  Physicists would say that we experience that boundary as solid because everything is made up of atoms.  The solidity is the sense of atoms bumping up against atoms.  But consider what an atom is.  An atom has a little nucleus with a large cloud of electrons around it.  There is no rigid outer shell, just an electron cloud.  To visualize this, imagine a peanut in the middle of a football stadium.  The peanut represents the nucleus, and the stadium represents the size of the electron cloud around the nucleus.  When we touch an object, we perceive solidity when the clouds of electrons meet.  However there is no solidity.  Is there solidity when two clouds meet?  No.  They meld and separate.  Something similar happens whenever you touch another object.  Your energy fields (and electron clouds) meet, small portions meld and then you separate…We can see how connected we are to everything else in the physical world.”

And these words came to me: “Even though it seems we’re miles apart we are connected by our beating hearts.”

It’s easy to go about our days focusing on ourselves without recognizing our connection with others. We forget that the clerk at the grocery store is a REAL person.  We forget that the people driving their cars are REAL people (especially when they cut us off in traffic!).  We even fail to experience real connection with the intimate people in our lives, because that person is “just our brother” or “just our mother.”  We assume we know who they are and how they act in all circumstances.  When we don’t like what we see in others we have a tendency to write them off.  When we do this we no longer experience a real connection with them.  However, whether or not we experience our connection with them doesn’t change the fact that we are all most intimately connected.

My grandma died over a year ago at the beautiful spry age of 101.  At her funeral many of the staff from the rest home approached my father to express how much his mother had meant to them.  They were touched by my grandma’s sincere interest in their personal lives. They were touched by her presence.  My dad on the other hand had a very different experience of his mother as he was growing up.  He experienced her as someone who was extremely controlling, and he always interacted with her in a defensive manner. As a result, he never experienced a true connection with her.  But that didn’t change the fact that he was connected to her.

When we think about building wealth in our lives, the first thing we tend to focus on is how we can create more money.  But we can’t overlook the simple but profound wealth in our connections with people in our lives.

We are profoundly and deeply connected with one another – whether we personally experience this connection or not.  To experience our deep connection with others is one of the most special forms of wealth that life has to offer.  Wealth comes in all people, all forms, all shapes and all sizes.

Learn the art and science to building wealth and creating financial success…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

This was an amazing time for both of us. We then honeymooned in New Zealand and had some wonderful adventures that still cause me to laugh and fill me with joy when I think about them.

Eight months later, when we came home, I remember walking back to the house after collecting the afternoon mail. I started flipping through the envelopes. I saw a credit card statement, another credit card statement and our bank statements. It was in that moment that I felt a deep tension in the pit of my stomach.

I realized that even though I had married the man that I absolutely loved and adored, I really didn’t have a clear sense of how he handled money and how the two of us were going to blend our different approaches to handling money in our marriage. I was very organized, detailed and more frugal with money. He was more of a laid-back free spirit type. I also knew that getting on the same financial page was a key factor in creating a successful marriage and financial future.

Going Out On a Limb

I asked my husband if he would be willing to set up a time each week to talk about our finances and develop a plan for getting rid of our credit card debt (we had acquired over $43,300 in credit card debt over a three year period). My husband said he would be willing to do this. He was skeptical—but willing.

We came to refer to our weekly meetings with each other as our Financial Dates®. After we would complete a Financial Date, both of us felt surprisingly uplifted and empowered.

As a result of having our Dates we completely paid off all of our credit card debt within two years, started funding our retirement accounts, quit arguing about money, gained a solid understanding of our cash flow and created a spending plan that both of us were motivated to stick to. That was just the tip of the iceberg. And you know what—those changes didn’t really surprise me that much.

What completely surprised me was the synergy that my husband and I experienced when working together to achieve our financial goals and dreams. We wouldn’t have experienced this in our relationship had we not come together with a unified goal of improving our finances as a team—not individually, but as a team. This added an entirely new dimension to our relationship. I began to think of these Financial Dates as our own holistic approach to money and marriage success.

“Leslie, It’s Imperative That You Share This with the World!”

I was sharing the details of one of our Financial Dates with my mentor coach at the time, and she stopped me in mid-sentence, and exclaimed, “Leslie, you have so much excitement and passion around this Financial Dating concept and it’s an amazing idea. You have got to share it with the world!”

So with her encouragement, I completed my training to become a professional certified coach so that I could teach this process to others. I received my credentials through Coach Training Alliance, which is accredited through the International Coaching Federation. I then began to teach our Financial Dating Process to other couples.

Financial Dating® Created Financial Success for Other Couples

I remember one particular call I received from a man on a cold Montana day. He sounded overwhelmed and frustrated. He said, “Leslie, I heard about you through a friend of mine and you sound exactly like the person that we’re looking for. I really want to talk to you about finances and how to make this work in our marriage.” I invited him to attend a Financial Dating class I was teaching.

After the class he walked me outside and said, “You are the person that we’ve been praying for. I walked out of the house last week and it was the worst fight that my wife and I had had, and I swore to her, I promised her that I would find somebody who could help us, and you’re that person.”

I put together a Financial Dating class and he got together several other couples and I started teaching them how to have Financial Dates. One year later he shared with me that for the first time in 14 years he and his wife had finally put a clamp on the internal hemorrhaging in their finances. They willingly changed their destructive money behaviors, stopped charging to their credit cards, paid off $13,779 of debt, put $4,879 into an emergency savings account and saved over $51,200 in interest by transferring a personal loan. He also shared that he felt significantly closer to his wife. If they could do it, you can too.

Living a Fulfilling Life that’s in Alignment with Our Deeply Held Values

I have come to realize that successful money management is so much more than just paying off debt, buying a new home and stashing more money away in our retirement accounts. True financial success is about living a life that is in alignment with our most cherished values. It’s easy to say that we value our health, marriage, children, friends and family. But when we step back and look at how we spend our time and money, we’ll see that we often don’t spend it on the things that are most important to us. There’s nothing like money to easily pull us off track.

We have to stop and define what financial success means to us. I believe that true financial success is about having a life that is filled with life enriching experiences and time for the relationships that really matter. That means slowing down and not working so hard. Financial success is about the lives we touch and the lasting memories we make. It’s about spending less, giving more and living more.

Discover how you’re creating your current financial situation with your spouse…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

Personal Budgeting – Budgeting Tips So Your Budget Works For YOU!

Spending Plans are more effective than budgets in that they allow us to balance our desire to save more for the future (by investing in a secure retirement plan, an emergency savings fund, a down payment for a home and/or funds for a much needed vacation) with our desire to enjoy our lives now, in a way that supports our values and gives us freedom of choice.  A Spending Plan, typically made at the end of the month, involves creating guidelines and making intentional choices about where we’d like our money to go in the upcoming month.

I encourage all my couples’ clients to create a monthly spending plan so that they can plan in advance of each month exactly where they want their hard-earned money to go—and I want you to do the same.  But if creating a spending plan is a new process for you, it’s very important that you be patient with yourself and your partner.  In the first couple of months you might discover that you and/or your partner are not able to stick to your spending plan.  Perhaps you’ve even gotten into argument over it and now you’re ready to just ditch the whole thing. Don’t do this!  Read the 4 tips below so that you can make sure you’re taking all the right steps to creating an effective spending plan.

1. Give yourselves permission to NOT be perfect—just be committed and keep coming back! Chances are good that you won’t follow your spending plan perfectly during the first several months–that’s okay!  It took me and my husband many months before we were actually able to stick to our spending plan.  And our first spending plan took us FOREVER to create and agree on.  It felt like a very foreign process to us.  Be patient with yourselves and know that once you become familiar with the process, it won’t feel as awkward or take as long to create.

Know that it’s not all going to be “peaches and cream”—there will be some arguments and that’s okay! Getting into an argument over how much one of you spent doesn’t give you permission to give up and claim, “This isn’t working!”  It works—but you have to be willing to keep showing up even when you get frustrated.  Remember, your spending plan will work for you IF YOU WORK IT!

2. Use a Financial Freedom Tracking Book™ in conjunction with your spending plan. I’ve heard people complain that spending plans don’t work for them because they are “visual” people and they don’t have a clear sense of exactly where they’re “at” with their spending.  Here’s what you need to do:  Get a small notebook (4 x 6) and determine 3-5 categories that you have a tendency to overspend in.  Write in the category and the total amount you’ve budgeted for the month in that category.

For example, if you decide that you will spend $400 on groceries for the month—record the budgeted amount in your notebook.  Following each visit to the grocery store, record the date, how much you spent and the new subtotal.  Your entry might look something like this:

Grocery Budget $400                    $ Spent         New Subtotal

1-15-2010   Smiths                           $40               $360

1-20-2010   Albertsons                     $75               $285

You will need to save receipts and record your entries at the end of the day. You can keep your Financial Freedom Tracking Book™ on the kitchen table so both of you can easily access it. Keep a small bowl beside your notebook for receipts.  Decide which of you will do the tracking.  Just remember that both of you need to look at your book before you go shopping to see how much money you have available in your 3-5 spending categories.  Some common areas that people tend to overspend in are: clothing, personal expenses, recreation, dining out, groceries and children’s expenses.

3. Review and update your spending plan once a week–or, at the very least, every two weeks. Agree on who will update the spending plan each week so you can have an accurate picture of where you’re “at”. The spending plan should be written down a piece of paper and easy to read.

Keep your spending plan in the same place so both of you can see and refer to it throughout the week. You might consider posting it on your fridge or the kitchen table.

4. Review your spending history. If you are new to the spending plan process you will want to calculate your spending at the end of the month in your various categories to see how well (or poorly) you did. Review your spending with financial software like Quicken or Microsoft Money. Or if you don’t have financial software, just print off your bank statements online and determine how much you’ve spent in each of your spending categories.

In the beginning, my husband and I didn’t review our spending history at the end of each month.  We thought a spending plan was enough to keep us in check.  But when we finally did review our spending history we discovered that in one month we had actually overspent by $900—yikes!  Once we started tracking our spending history each month, we were able to cut back on our overspending.

Simple Action Steps You Can Take Now:

1. Buy a small notebook to use as your Financial Freedom Tracking Book™

2. Talk with your partner and determine which 3-5 categories you want to track in your notebook.  Record those categories along with the predetermined spending amount.  Make a commitment to save receipts and place in a bowl or container beside your tracking notebook at the end of each day. Decide if one or both of you will update the notebook each evening.

3. Decide which one of you will be responsible for updating your spending plan.

4. Decide who will run the numbers for your previous months’ spending so that you can calculate your spending history. Agree to buy Quicken or Microsoft Money, install it on your computer and give yourselves a few months to become familiar with it.

“I can’t begin to tell you how frustrating it’s been having a partner who says, ‘yes, yes, yes’ and then doesn’t come through!  My husband just won’t do his financial homework.  I’ve loved and encouraged him when he chooses positive financial behaviors but somehow it’s still too scary or hard for him to own his part. It doesn’t matter how much I encourage, cheerlead, or try to convince him otherwise.   He says he’ll work on his finances but then he doesn’t follow through. WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?”

A client sent this email to me. I completely understood her frustration and overwhelm.  Unfortunately her situation isn’t unique.  This is a common complaint that I hear from couples.

Get curious about your reactivity

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”—this is usually our first reaction when we experience marriage conflict and money problems and our partner does something that we don’t like.  And when it’s in the financial arena it can drive us absolutely bonkers because it’s so directly tied to our survival fears.  Our reactive reptilian brain kicks in producing fearful thoughts like, “I’m all alone with this—he doesn’t care,” “He’s going to put me in the poor house” and “If it wasn’t for me we’d be totally broke.”

So we defer to our control tactics.  We resort to our learned behaviors that supported us in getting what we wanted in the past.  We cheerlead, “Come on honey–I know you can do it.  I sincerely believe in you.  You’ve got what it takes.” Or we get angry,  “I can’t stand it anymore. You are so inept.”  Or we rationalize, “He’s just like this because his parents were like this.”

In the area of finances the greatest challenge is to resist the urge to point our fingers at our partners and take the opportunity to do our own personal work.

Stress equals opportunity

In the book, Loving What Is, Byron Katie says: “Every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points you to your own freedom.”  If you feel reactive it’s a sure sign that you’re being given the opportunity to look inward, investigate, grow and learn something new about yourself.  This is actually the secret to transforming yourself and your situation.  It actually isn’t about getting your partner or situation to change. As long as we believe that it is about our partner we will continue to stay stuck.  And yet ironically, when we focus on our inner healing, our relationships and challenging life situations “miraculously” transform.

Most of our reactivity comes from our inner resistance to having a relationship with what is.  Something happens and in a split second our minds spin out of control and add stories that we instantly and mistakenly take on as being “the truth.”  Most of us have gotten so good at telling stories that we’re no longer able to separate fact from fiction.

My mentor, Jim Bergquist, shared a situation about a boss that he had worked for in the past.  Several times a week his boss would go into an emotional tirade after reading the daily paper.  His boss would stomp into the office and yell his frustrations at one of the employees–usually Jim.  Jim would think: “This guy is a lunatic!” “What is wrong with him?”  “How come he doesn’t like me?”   After many painful episodes with his boss, Jim made the decision to stay completely present the next time his boss yelled at him.  Jim also made the commitment to drop his internal story and judgments about his boss.  After a few days the opportunity presented itself.  This time, as his boss was yelling, Jim stayed completely present to the experience.  He noticed that his boss had a gold crown on one of his back teeth.  He saw a vein with a bluish tint popping out on the right side of his forehead.  He observed the spit as it came flying out of his boss’s mouth.  Then all of a sudden his boss stopped in mid-sentence, looked at Jim, turned around and walked into his office—he never yelled at Jim or anyone else again.

Having a relationship with What Is

When Jim was able to be completely present with what is, without resistance to his situation and without adding any additional stories, assessments or judgments, Jim experienced an internal transformation.  This in turn supported his boss in being present, which gave his boss sudden access and insight into how ridiculous he was being.

My client who emailed me was able to notice her internal story about the way she felt her husband “should be showing up with finances.”  She also knew that what she wanted most was for her husband to speak his truth.  The two of them engaged in a conversation where they shared openly and honestly with each other.  Her husband shared the ways in which he genuinely wanted to be involved with the family finances  and the ways in which he did not.  And together they created a new way to work on the family finances that resonated for both of them.

Whenever we experience reactivity to the people or situations in our lives, we are being given the golden opportunity to look inward–instead of outward.  It is through our own personal exploration and transformation that our life situations and relationships magically transform as well.