It’s amazing to recall all the struggles I used to experience around money.  One of my biggest challenges was my overall lack of knowledge about finances—I felt completely inadequate and money management seemed very complicated… Something other people were capable of succeeding at but not me.

I believed that I would never be successful at balancing the constant onslaught of money demands and needs for our large family (my husband and I have four girls).

I was afraid that if I took an honest look at our family’s expenses in relation to our income, I would feel like we had nothing to hang our hats on.  I also experienced a lot of resentment.  I blamed my financial inadequacies on my girls—my excuse was that I was too busy taking care of them to sit down and create a budget.

I also blamed my husband for not making more and managing better.  I resented that he made the majority of the money decisions in our family.”

Through our work with Leslie I realized that the reason my husband had more say with our finances was because I gave him more say. He made the money decisions because I wasn’t willing to step up and assume more responsibility! And yet I was secretly afraid that if I assumed more financial responsibility our situation would get worse and I would feel overburdened.

I experienced a breakthrough when through Leslie’s coaching and support I realized that I actually suffered more when I didn’t step up and assume financial responsibility.   Ironically, when I started taking on more responsibility around money I felt lighter, freer, and more empowered.

The Financial Freedom Light at the End of the Tunnel

Working with Leslie has brought me the confidence and peace around money that I never knew I could have. Learning to create a spending plan was especially empowering for me.  A spending plan gives us the flexibility to decide how we’re going to spend our money each month based on our needs and wants for a given month.

Instead of being locked into a budget that remains the same month after month, we decide each month exactly how we spend our money.  We base our decisions on our past month’s spending (which we track closely, looking at how much we spend in each area of our lives).

Creating our Financial Headquarters

One of the actions we took that made the biggest impact on our lives was creating what Leslie refers to as our ‘financial headquarters.’ We now have a specific place we keep our mail, our bills, our ‘bill pay calendar’ (which lists all our bill due dates) as well as an organizer that contains all the necessary items for paying bills like stamps, staplers, envelopes, pens and post-it notes.

During the week I open the day’s mail and sort it in the proper place, making sure the bill due dates are recorded correctly on our bill pay calendar. I recycle the day’s junk mail. Every week my husband and I sit down together and look at our bill-pay calendar to see what bills we need to pay.  We have truly created order out of chaos.

I used to equate spending money with love.  I thought that if I began to take control of my finances and reign in my spending habits I would be withholding love and freedom from my girls, our family, and myself.  But much to my surprise I discovered that love is really about being more conscious about my money decisions.

I realized that I’m not being loving when I randomly purchase things and don’t have a clear sense of how much I’m spending and what impact it will have.  I’ve learned I can say “no” from a loving and supportive space.  Saying “no” to an unplanned dinner out means that I get to say yes to something else that is more meaningful to me – like paying down our debt.

Creating a Break Through With Money

This work has been an amazing transformational process for me.  Just this last Christmas my teenage daughter told me that this had been one of the best Christmas’s ever.  Instead of fighting over money, my husband and I had a clear plan for our spending and were working together as a financial team.

Our commitment to our financial journey and working with Leslie has not only resulted in us getting rid of over $3,000 in debt but it has improved our relationship.  And because of that my husband and I are able to be role models of true financial responsibility for our girls.  I can’t imagine a better legacy to pass on to our children.

. Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWed.,  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

My answer was “yes!”

The following story explains the reasons for, “If I have no debt, why should I bother learning about financial success?”

The answer lies within three common financial mistakes:

1. Maintaining the Status Quo

The first mistake is maintaining the status quo.  We tend to do the same thing we’ve always done and complain when we get the same results.  Dan Kennedy, consultant to millionaires says the following about predicting personal income:

“In one years time I can tell you how much money you’ll have, if you’ll provide me with the following information:

1. The balance in your bank account today.
2. An analysis of how you spend your time in an average week.
3. A list of the books and recordings you’ve read and listened to in the last month.
4. Some information about the five people you hang out with most.

For 90% of the population the answer is “The same.” In one years time you will have the same amount of money that you have in your bank account today.

I share this story to inspire you.  Whether you have debt or not, do you want to do more than just maintain your current financial state?  If so, then it is important to take action and expose yourself to new ideas and concepts. Otherwise, why would you expect your financial situation to be any different one year from now?

2.  Inconsistent Actions

People falsely believe that if they’ve made one really good financial move that they’ve done enough.  For example, they open a retirement account and continue to invest the same amount year after year without re-evaluating, or they start an emergency savings account and put a small one-time lump sum of money in it.  I teach people that the secret to  making consistent progress lies in taking bite-size steps towards financial success.  Consistent action over time creates success.

Focus on Progress Not Perfection.  Regardless of your financial situation the important thing is to make consistent progress.  As long as you’re making progress then you are moving in the right direction.

3. Not Working as a Team

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this concept holds true. You have to work as a team with your spouse.  Many couples believe their “systems” work fine.  I often hear, “Oh, we’re fine!  I pay the bills and my wife balances the checkbook.”

Well, I’m glad everything is just fine, I think to myself.  But how much of your system is based on mutual discussion and working together as a cohesive financial team?

If you aren’t working on your finances as a team, you’re missing out on a connecting and life-changing process.

For people not in a relationship this concept can also be applied on an individual level, are you working as a “team” with yourself?  Are you supportive, positive and taking consistent steps to improve your finances? Notice your internal mindset and belief systems.  Do you feel pessimistic or optimistic when it comes to improving your finances?  Remember, financial success begins within.

Discover how you can take control of your financial situation now…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

“I can’t begin to tell you how frustrating it’s been having a partner who says, ‘yes, yes, yes’ and then doesn’t come through!  My husband just won’t do his financial homework.  I’ve loved and encouraged him when he chooses positive financial behaviors but somehow it’s still too scary or hard for him to own his part. It doesn’t matter how much I encourage, cheerlead, or try to convince him otherwise.   He says he’ll work on his finances but then he doesn’t follow through. WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS?”

A client sent this email to me. I completely understood her frustration and overwhelm.  Unfortunately her situation isn’t unique.  This is a common complaint that I hear from couples.

Get curious about your reactivity

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”—this is usually our first reaction when we experience marriage conflict and money problems and our partner does something that we don’t like.  And when it’s in the financial arena it can drive us absolutely bonkers because it’s so directly tied to our survival fears.  Our reactive reptilian brain kicks in producing fearful thoughts like, “I’m all alone with this—he doesn’t care,” “He’s going to put me in the poor house” and “If it wasn’t for me we’d be totally broke.”

So we defer to our control tactics.  We resort to our learned behaviors that supported us in getting what we wanted in the past.  We cheerlead, “Come on honey–I know you can do it.  I sincerely believe in you.  You’ve got what it takes.” Or we get angry,  “I can’t stand it anymore. You are so inept.”  Or we rationalize, “He’s just like this because his parents were like this.”

In the area of finances the greatest challenge is to resist the urge to point our fingers at our partners and take the opportunity to do our own personal work.

Stress equals opportunity

In the book, Loving What Is, Byron Katie says: “Every stressful moment you experience is a gift that points you to your own freedom.”  If you feel reactive it’s a sure sign that you’re being given the opportunity to look inward, investigate, grow and learn something new about yourself.  This is actually the secret to transforming yourself and your situation.  It actually isn’t about getting your partner or situation to change. As long as we believe that it is about our partner we will continue to stay stuck.  And yet ironically, when we focus on our inner healing, our relationships and challenging life situations “miraculously” transform.

Most of our reactivity comes from our inner resistance to having a relationship with what is.  Something happens and in a split second our minds spin out of control and add stories that we instantly and mistakenly take on as being “the truth.”  Most of us have gotten so good at telling stories that we’re no longer able to separate fact from fiction.

My mentor, Jim Bergquist, shared a situation about a boss that he had worked for in the past.  Several times a week his boss would go into an emotional tirade after reading the daily paper.  His boss would stomp into the office and yell his frustrations at one of the employees–usually Jim.  Jim would think: “This guy is a lunatic!” “What is wrong with him?”  “How come he doesn’t like me?”   After many painful episodes with his boss, Jim made the decision to stay completely present the next time his boss yelled at him.  Jim also made the commitment to drop his internal story and judgments about his boss.  After a few days the opportunity presented itself.  This time, as his boss was yelling, Jim stayed completely present to the experience.  He noticed that his boss had a gold crown on one of his back teeth.  He saw a vein with a bluish tint popping out on the right side of his forehead.  He observed the spit as it came flying out of his boss’s mouth.  Then all of a sudden his boss stopped in mid-sentence, looked at Jim, turned around and walked into his office—he never yelled at Jim or anyone else again.

Having a relationship with What Is

When Jim was able to be completely present with what is, without resistance to his situation and without adding any additional stories, assessments or judgments, Jim experienced an internal transformation.  This in turn supported his boss in being present, which gave his boss sudden access and insight into how ridiculous he was being.

My client who emailed me was able to notice her internal story about the way she felt her husband “should be showing up with finances.”  She also knew that what she wanted most was for her husband to speak his truth.  The two of them engaged in a conversation where they shared openly and honestly with each other.  Her husband shared the ways in which he genuinely wanted to be involved with the family finances  and the ways in which he did not.  And together they created a new way to work on the family finances that resonated for both of them.

Whenever we experience reactivity to the people or situations in our lives, we are being given the golden opportunity to look inward–instead of outward.  It is through our own personal exploration and transformation that our life situations and relationships magically transform as well.