I vividly remember walking back to my house after collecting the afternoon mail, flipping through the envelopes in my hand. I saw a credit card statement, another credit card statement and our bank statements. It was in that moment that I felt a deep tension in the pit of my stomach.

I realized that even though I had married the man that I absolutely loved and adored, I really didn’t have a clear sense of how he handled money and how the two of us were going to blend our different approaches to handling money in our marriage. I was very organized, detailed and more frugal with money. He was more of a laid-back, free spirit type. I knew that getting on the same financial page was a key factor in creating a successful marriage and financial future.

I asked my husband if he would be willing to set up a time each week to talk about our finances and develop a plan for getting rid of our credit card debt (we had acquired over $43,300 in credit card debt over a three year period). My husband said he would be willing to do this.  Admittedly, he was skeptical—but willing.

We came to refer to our weekly meetings as our Financial Dates®. We didn’t really have a clue as to what we were doing.  All we knew was that we needed to give our finances undivided attention. I remember the knot-wrenched feeling I would get in my neck several hours before our designated Date.

We had so far to go – how were we ever going to get rid of our debt?  We basically made things up as we went along.  At the beginning of each Date we would jot down a list of what we wanted to focus on and throughout the hour we progressed through the list until most of the items had been dealt with.

Some Dates were filled with tense conversations, blaming accusations and snide remarks.  Other Dates were filled with laughter, joy and creativity. However, we kept showing up for our Dates and we never gave up.  What started out as a means for survival became a powerful connecting thread in our relationship.  Something shifted within us.

Instead of finances becoming a source of divisive tension that pulled us apart, it became the glue that held us together as we became a unified team – creating electric synergy as we focused on the single goal of getting out of debt.  We did succeed in getting rid of our debt.

I still recall the day that we excitedly marked through our last credit card payment on the chart we had created.  We had finally arrived.  We were free.  We had been given wings to fly.

While our debt is now gone I have gained several invaluable lessons from our debt struggles that will stay with me forever.

1. We were committed to changing our situation. Even though we felt overwhelmed, uncertain and stressed about how we were going to turn things around, we were 110% fully committed to getting rid of our debt.  I realize now how powerful a commitment can be.  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe expressed the power of commitment so beautifully:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, rising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents, meetings and material assistance which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now.”

2. Opportunities presented themselves during our journey as a result of our commitment. Many people won’t begin a journey or declare a goal because they can’t see the means to achieving it – so they give up.  More often than not you won’t see the means of accomplishing a goal until you make a commitment and bravely begin your “hero’s journey”.

We had given ourselves four years to get out of debt – but we were able to do it in two and a half years.  Creative ideas and opportunities presented themselves to us that we truly couldn’t have envisioned at the beginning of our journey.  We used extra money from Christmas and birthdays to put towards our debt.

And we even sold our beloved Eurovan because we realized that the deep peace and security of being out of debt meant more to us than having the van.

3. We took full responsibility. Instead of blaming the economy or factors outside ourselves (although there were times when we got angry at each other), we were willing to accept full responsibility for creating our debt situation.  Many times in the past I thought I was accepting full responsibility for my situation, when in reality, I wasn’t.

Whenever I blamed anyone outside of myself (even if it seemed completely justified in my mind), I was giving away my power to change the situation..  I ended up feeling like a victim and experienced a lot of waiting—-waiting for the economy to change, waiting for my husband to change, or waiting for a friend to change—until I could be at peace.

Now, whenever I feel a twinge of stress or reactivity I ask myself, “how am I contributing to what is happening right now (or the way this person is reacting to me)?  This gives me the ultimate power to change my situation.

Even though my husband and I don’t have any guarantee against future challenges, I am left with something deep within that is unshakable and that can never ever be taken away – the memory of our past successes and the power to constantly integrate these lessons in my day-to-day life.

It’s amazing to recall all the struggles I used to experience around money.  One of my biggest challenges was my overall lack of knowledge about finances—I felt completely inadequate and money management seemed very complicated… Something other people were capable of succeeding at but not me.

I believed that I would never be successful at balancing the constant onslaught of money demands and needs for our large family (my husband and I have four girls).

I was afraid that if I took an honest look at our family’s expenses in relation to our income, I would feel like we had nothing to hang our hats on.  I also experienced a lot of resentment.  I blamed my financial inadequacies on my girls—my excuse was that I was too busy taking care of them to sit down and create a budget.

I also blamed my husband for not making more and managing better.  I resented that he made the majority of the money decisions in our family.”

Through our work with Leslie I realized that the reason my husband had more say with our finances was because I gave him more say. He made the money decisions because I wasn’t willing to step up and assume more responsibility! And yet I was secretly afraid that if I assumed more financial responsibility our situation would get worse and I would feel overburdened.

I experienced a breakthrough when through Leslie’s coaching and support I realized that I actually suffered more when I didn’t step up and assume financial responsibility.   Ironically, when I started taking on more responsibility around money I felt lighter, freer, and more empowered.

The Financial Freedom Light at the End of the Tunnel

Working with Leslie has brought me the confidence and peace around money that I never knew I could have. Learning to create a spending plan was especially empowering for me.  A spending plan gives us the flexibility to decide how we’re going to spend our money each month based on our needs and wants for a given month.

Instead of being locked into a budget that remains the same month after month, we decide each month exactly how we spend our money.  We base our decisions on our past month’s spending (which we track closely, looking at how much we spend in each area of our lives).

Creating our Financial Headquarters

One of the actions we took that made the biggest impact on our lives was creating what Leslie refers to as our ‘financial headquarters.’ We now have a specific place we keep our mail, our bills, our ‘bill pay calendar’ (which lists all our bill due dates) as well as an organizer that contains all the necessary items for paying bills like stamps, staplers, envelopes, pens and post-it notes.

During the week I open the day’s mail and sort it in the proper place, making sure the bill due dates are recorded correctly on our bill pay calendar. I recycle the day’s junk mail. Every week my husband and I sit down together and look at our bill-pay calendar to see what bills we need to pay.  We have truly created order out of chaos.

I used to equate spending money with love.  I thought that if I began to take control of my finances and reign in my spending habits I would be withholding love and freedom from my girls, our family, and myself.  But much to my surprise I discovered that love is really about being more conscious about my money decisions.

I realized that I’m not being loving when I randomly purchase things and don’t have a clear sense of how much I’m spending and what impact it will have.  I’ve learned I can say “no” from a loving and supportive space.  Saying “no” to an unplanned dinner out means that I get to say yes to something else that is more meaningful to me – like paying down our debt.

Creating a Break Through With Money

This work has been an amazing transformational process for me.  Just this last Christmas my teenage daughter told me that this had been one of the best Christmas’s ever.  Instead of fighting over money, my husband and I had a clear plan for our spending and were working together as a financial team.

Our commitment to our financial journey and working with Leslie has not only resulted in us getting rid of over $3,000 in debt but it has improved our relationship.  And because of that my husband and I are able to be role models of true financial responsibility for our girls.  I can’t imagine a better legacy to pass on to our children.

. Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWed.,  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

My answer was “yes!”

The following story explains the reasons for, “If I have no debt, why should I bother learning about financial success?”

The answer lies within three common financial mistakes:

1. Maintaining the Status Quo

The first mistake is maintaining the status quo.  We tend to do the same thing we’ve always done and complain when we get the same results.  Dan Kennedy, consultant to millionaires says the following about predicting personal income:

“In one years time I can tell you how much money you’ll have, if you’ll provide me with the following information:

1. The balance in your bank account today.
2. An analysis of how you spend your time in an average week.
3. A list of the books and recordings you’ve read and listened to in the last month.
4. Some information about the five people you hang out with most.

For 90% of the population the answer is “The same.” In one years time you will have the same amount of money that you have in your bank account today.

I share this story to inspire you.  Whether you have debt or not, do you want to do more than just maintain your current financial state?  If so, then it is important to take action and expose yourself to new ideas and concepts. Otherwise, why would you expect your financial situation to be any different one year from now?

2.  Inconsistent Actions

People falsely believe that if they’ve made one really good financial move that they’ve done enough.  For example, they open a retirement account and continue to invest the same amount year after year without re-evaluating, or they start an emergency savings account and put a small one-time lump sum of money in it.  I teach people that the secret to  making consistent progress lies in taking bite-size steps towards financial success.  Consistent action over time creates success.

Focus on Progress Not Perfection.  Regardless of your financial situation the important thing is to make consistent progress.  As long as you’re making progress then you are moving in the right direction.

3. Not Working as a Team

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this concept holds true. You have to work as a team with your spouse.  Many couples believe their “systems” work fine.  I often hear, “Oh, we’re fine!  I pay the bills and my wife balances the checkbook.”

Well, I’m glad everything is just fine, I think to myself.  But how much of your system is based on mutual discussion and working together as a cohesive financial team?

If you aren’t working on your finances as a team, you’re missing out on a connecting and life-changing process.

For people not in a relationship this concept can also be applied on an individual level, are you working as a “team” with yourself?  Are you supportive, positive and taking consistent steps to improve your finances? Notice your internal mindset and belief systems.  Do you feel pessimistic or optimistic when it comes to improving your finances?  Remember, financial success begins within.

Discover how you can take control of your financial situation now…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

Then, over the course of several months, as a way to gain control and understanding of our finances we started having weekly Financial Dates^®, where we discussed our financial situation, set money goals and created an aggressive plan for eliminating our credit card debt.

How exciting it was to be on the same financial page with my husband and to be able to laser-focus our individual strengths on achieving our combined financial goals.  Talk about amazing synergy and excitement in our marriage!  Before having our Financial Dates^® I never would have believed someone who said working on finances together could be both empowering and fun – but it truly was.

Our lives began to change dramatically. Our commitment to our Financial Dates paid off – literally, we paid off 43% of our credit card debt during our first year of Financial Dating. During our second year and a half we completely paid off all remaining credit card debt.  We now pay for purchases in cash, max out our monthly contributions to our Roth retirement accounts, and have a fully funded savings account for six months of unexpected emergencies. Both of us feel more empowered and have grown closer as a result of having our Financial Dates^® each month.

There are nine steps to the Financial Dating^® Wealth Formula that got us where we are today.  I will share four basic aspects with you to give you a general sense of the process:  1) Decide where you’ll have your Dates and create atmosphere, 2) Create connection, 3) Get financially smart and 4) Take financial action.

1. Decide Where You’ll Have Your Dates and Create Atmosphere

You don’t have to hold your dates at the desk in your office in front of the computer.  Get creative and have fun!  Pick an environment that is enjoyable to you. I have worked with couples that go to a favorite park, restaurant or coffee shop to have their dates. You might want to vary your location from time to time.

If you decide to meet at home think of a place in your home that is comfortable and inviting.  You might want to order a carry out meal and enjoy it with a glass of wine while sitting in front of the fireplace during your Financial Date.  If you have your Financial Dates at home, think about how you might create a special place in your home just for your dates.

Create a relaxing atmosphere.  When my husband and I first started having our Financial Dates, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of ground we had to cover.  To help ease the tension I would create a relaxing atmosphere by putting on some soft music, or lighting a candle and burning incense.  This had an instant calming affect on both of us. Consider trying this for yourself.  Brainstorm with your partner a list of things you could do to create a relaxing atmosphere.  You’ll be surprised at how these simple actions can help you feel more relaxed.

My husband and I also held many of our first Financial Dates® hiking on a trail!  I would grab the necessary financial papers, stuff them in my coat pocket, and we would discuss our financial numbers as we hiked. Hiking was a great way to release stress and tension that arose during our money conversations!

2. Create Connection

Let’s face it—talking about finances can be stressful, especially when you consider all the times you’ve set out to have a calm discussion about money, and it ends in an argument.  It’s important to begin your Date feeling like you’re both on the same side. It’s important that you choose a way to connect with each other that resonates for both of you. Sometimes my husband and I would read a short inspirational story or poem and other times we would share our intentions or say a prayer out loud together.

3. Get Financially Smart

Choose a few informational excerpts from a financial book or on-line article to read out loud together.  Pick something that is appropriate for your combined interests and level of understanding about finances.  Give yourselves about ten minutes or so to read a few paragraphs. Make sure you allow for a few minutes of discussion time.

4. Take Financial Action

Read your goals out loud. This is a simple but very important part of your date.  Identify your top five financial goals that you want to focus on achieving.  Review this list of goals at the beginning of each date to keep these goals in the forefront of your mind.

You might also want to break your current goals down into monthly goals.  If you do decide to create monthly goals, you’ll review them at this time as well.

Set the agenda.  During this step you’ll create and write out an agenda of things you want to accomplish or discuss during your current Date.

Simple Action Steps You Can Take Now:

Discover what’s keeping you stuck in your current financial situation with your spouse. Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWed.,  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

1. Ask your partner if they would be willing to have a Date to talk about your finances.
2. Schedule a Financial Date on your calendar!

I remember many, many years ago my husband and I struggled with getting rid of debt, getting our finances organized and creating a clear financial plan.

We decided to have weekly dates to get our finances in order. We came to refer to these meetings as our Financial Dates®. We didn’t really have a clue as to what we were doing. All we knew was that we needed to give our finances undivided attention.

An amazing thing happened during these Dates; instead of finances becoming a source of divisive tension that pulled us apart, they became the glue that held us together as we became a unified team – as we focused on the single goal of getting out of debt. We would sit down, create a list of agenda items that we wanted to cover and proceed through the list until we were done.

I still recall the day that we excitedly marked through our last credit card payment on the chart we had created. We had finally arrived. We were free. We had been given wings to fly.

There is power in giving your finances undivided attention.

Take the steps to learn how to have a financial Date® with your spouse to become your extraordinary dream in your financial life.