“I’ve been thinking about our work together and it’s caused me to explore my yeses and no’s around money.

What instantly comes to mind for me is my ‘unfriendly no’ in regards to money.  My unfriendly no doesn’t give me any choices.  My unfriendly no says ‘no’ to creating a spending plan – or a budget.  My unfriendly no says that a spending plan will strangle me – that sticking to a spending plan means I’ll have to deprive myself for the rest of my life and say ‘no, no, no, no’ to everything.

The Unfriendly and Resentful “No”

My unfriendly no makes me feel deprived, angry and resentful.  It falsely leads me to believe that I must resign myself to living a life of lack, that I can’t ever do anything fun. My unfriendly no is controlling and tells me that my life is going to be filled with misery and I’ll never have enough money.  And because life is destined to be so miserable, and this is as good as it gets, why not splurge and live it up a little and have some fun?

My unfriendly no is a very intimate friend to my ‘unfriendly yes’ that says ‘yes’ to everything.  I do this because I feel so bad that I’ve said ‘no’ and denied myself for the past several days (or hours) to myself or to my children.”

At this point Nancy paused, took a deep breath, and then went on to excitedly share:

The Supportive and Friendly “Yes”

“I’m experiencing a huge breakthrough around what a friendly yes is like.  My friendly yes says that working a spending plan can create freedom for me.  My friendly yes reassures me that a spending plan doesn’t have to be difficult and painful.  It lets me know that it’s okay to buy clothes and necessities for my children and me. My friendly yes says ‘yes’ to life, and ‘yes’ to the unlimited possibilities of what I want to create, be and do. It gives me freedom!  And my friendly yes also has a close friend as well.  It is a close friend to my friendly no.

My friendly no is filled with choice, compassion and understanding.  It says, ‘Let’s say no to this, but let’s say yes to these other things.’ My friendly no empowers me with the opportunity to make wise money choices so that I can experience true freedom.  A friendly no can gently guide me and provide me with hope and security.

What I now realize is that I can choose to use my friendly yes and no in each moment.  My friendly yes and friendly no support me in saying ‘yes’ to life.  They are here to guide me to true freedom and the truest enjoyment of my money!”

* Names have been changed in this story

Your 1-Minute Action Step

Write down your responses to the following questions:

1. What are the images and thoughts that come up for you when you think of saying “no” in regards to money or financial decisions?
2. What are the images and thoughts that come up for you when you think of saying “yes” in regards to money or financial decisions?
3. What are the internal conversations that come up around your unfriendly yes and unfriendly no?
4. What are the internal conversations that come up around your friendly yes and friendly no?
5. How might you become more empowered around managing money if you respond with your friendly yes and friendly no?

Train yourself to recognize when you respond with your unfriendly yes and no and choose a friendly yes or no instead.

Learn how to create a positive relationship with money so that you take the financial action you need to take Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

The trail contoured a steep hillside.  I soon found myself at my familiar perch—a rock outcropping that overlooked the valley below.  I’ve looked upon this view countless times, but something struck me on this particular evening as I witnessed the lights coming on inside the houses below and the cars traveling on distant roads.

A passage from Deepak Chopra’s book, The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, came to my mind. It reads:

“At a deeper level, there really is no boundary between selves and everything else in the world.  When you touch an object, it feels solid, as though there is a distinct boundary between it and you.  Physicists would say that we experience that boundary as solid because everything is made up of atoms.  The solidity is the sense of atoms bumping up against atoms.  But consider what an atom is.  An atom has a little nucleus with a large cloud of electrons around it.  There is no rigid outer shell, just an electron cloud.  To visualize this, imagine a peanut in the middle of a football stadium.  The peanut represents the nucleus, and the stadium represents the size of the electron cloud around the nucleus.  When we touch an object, we perceive solidity when the clouds of electrons meet.  However there is no solidity.  Is there solidity when two clouds meet?  No.  They meld and separate.  Something similar happens whenever you touch another object.  Your energy fields (and electron clouds) meet, small portions meld and then you separate…We can see how connected we are to everything else in the physical world.”

And these words came to me: “Even though it seems we’re miles apart we are connected by our beating hearts.”

It’s easy to go about our days focusing on ourselves without recognizing our connection with others. We forget that the clerk at the grocery store is a REAL person.  We forget that the people driving their cars are REAL people (especially when they cut us off in traffic!).  We even fail to experience real connection with the intimate people in our lives, because that person is “just our brother” or “just our mother.”  We assume we know who they are and how they act in all circumstances.  When we don’t like what we see in others we have a tendency to write them off.  When we do this we no longer experience a real connection with them.  However, whether or not we experience our connection with them doesn’t change the fact that we are all most intimately connected.

My grandma died over a year ago at the beautiful spry age of 101.  At her funeral many of the staff from the rest home approached my father to express how much his mother had meant to them.  They were touched by my grandma’s sincere interest in their personal lives. They were touched by her presence.  My dad on the other hand had a very different experience of his mother as he was growing up.  He experienced her as someone who was extremely controlling, and he always interacted with her in a defensive manner. As a result, he never experienced a true connection with her.  But that didn’t change the fact that he was connected to her.

When we think about building wealth in our lives, the first thing we tend to focus on is how we can create more money.  But we can’t overlook the simple but profound wealth in our connections with people in our lives.

We are profoundly and deeply connected with one another – whether we personally experience this connection or not.  To experience our deep connection with others is one of the most special forms of wealth that life has to offer.  Wealth comes in all people, all forms, all shapes and all sizes.

Learn the art and science to building wealth and creating financial success…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

This was an amazing time for both of us. We then honeymooned in New Zealand and had some wonderful adventures that still cause me to laugh and fill me with joy when I think about them.

Eight months later, when we came home, I remember walking back to the house after collecting the afternoon mail. I started flipping through the envelopes. I saw a credit card statement, another credit card statement and our bank statements. It was in that moment that I felt a deep tension in the pit of my stomach.

I realized that even though I had married the man that I absolutely loved and adored, I really didn’t have a clear sense of how he handled money and how the two of us were going to blend our different approaches to handling money in our marriage. I was very organized, detailed and more frugal with money. He was more of a laid-back free spirit type. I also knew that getting on the same financial page was a key factor in creating a successful marriage and financial future.

Going Out On a Limb

I asked my husband if he would be willing to set up a time each week to talk about our finances and develop a plan for getting rid of our credit card debt (we had acquired over $43,300 in credit card debt over a three year period). My husband said he would be willing to do this. He was skeptical—but willing.

We came to refer to our weekly meetings with each other as our Financial Dates®. After we would complete a Financial Date, both of us felt surprisingly uplifted and empowered.

As a result of having our Dates we completely paid off all of our credit card debt within two years, started funding our retirement accounts, quit arguing about money, gained a solid understanding of our cash flow and created a spending plan that both of us were motivated to stick to. That was just the tip of the iceberg. And you know what—those changes didn’t really surprise me that much.

What completely surprised me was the synergy that my husband and I experienced when working together to achieve our financial goals and dreams. We wouldn’t have experienced this in our relationship had we not come together with a unified goal of improving our finances as a team—not individually, but as a team. This added an entirely new dimension to our relationship. I began to think of these Financial Dates as our own holistic approach to money and marriage success.

“Leslie, It’s Imperative That You Share This with the World!”

I was sharing the details of one of our Financial Dates with my mentor coach at the time, and she stopped me in mid-sentence, and exclaimed, “Leslie, you have so much excitement and passion around this Financial Dating concept and it’s an amazing idea. You have got to share it with the world!”

So with her encouragement, I completed my training to become a professional certified coach so that I could teach this process to others. I received my credentials through Coach Training Alliance, which is accredited through the International Coaching Federation. I then began to teach our Financial Dating Process to other couples.

Financial Dating® Created Financial Success for Other Couples

I remember one particular call I received from a man on a cold Montana day. He sounded overwhelmed and frustrated. He said, “Leslie, I heard about you through a friend of mine and you sound exactly like the person that we’re looking for. I really want to talk to you about finances and how to make this work in our marriage.” I invited him to attend a Financial Dating class I was teaching.

After the class he walked me outside and said, “You are the person that we’ve been praying for. I walked out of the house last week and it was the worst fight that my wife and I had had, and I swore to her, I promised her that I would find somebody who could help us, and you’re that person.”

I put together a Financial Dating class and he got together several other couples and I started teaching them how to have Financial Dates. One year later he shared with me that for the first time in 14 years he and his wife had finally put a clamp on the internal hemorrhaging in their finances. They willingly changed their destructive money behaviors, stopped charging to their credit cards, paid off $13,779 of debt, put $4,879 into an emergency savings account and saved over $51,200 in interest by transferring a personal loan. He also shared that he felt significantly closer to his wife. If they could do it, you can too.

Living a Fulfilling Life that’s in Alignment with Our Deeply Held Values

I have come to realize that successful money management is so much more than just paying off debt, buying a new home and stashing more money away in our retirement accounts. True financial success is about living a life that is in alignment with our most cherished values. It’s easy to say that we value our health, marriage, children, friends and family. But when we step back and look at how we spend our time and money, we’ll see that we often don’t spend it on the things that are most important to us. There’s nothing like money to easily pull us off track.

We have to stop and define what financial success means to us. I believe that true financial success is about having a life that is filled with life enriching experiences and time for the relationships that really matter. That means slowing down and not working so hard. Financial success is about the lives we touch and the lasting memories we make. It’s about spending less, giving more and living more.

Discover how you’re creating your current financial situation with your spouse…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

Stone then goes on to explain:

“That means you don’t take 100% responsibility for your life.  Taking 100% responsibility means you acknowledge that you create everything that happens to you.  It means you understand that you are the cause of all your experience.  If you want to be really successful, then you will have to give up blaming and complaining and take total responsibility for your life – that means all your results, both your successes and your failures.  That is the prerequisite for creating a life of success.  It is only by acknowledging that you have created everything up until now that you can take charge of creating the future you want.”

It’s a simple concept, to refrain from blaming and complaining, and yet it’s a challenge to change a habit, especially one that everyone else has.  Like sticking to your diet, when everyone else around you is enjoying chocolate cake.  It requires you to resist the impulses, tendencies, and trends that don’t really get you where you want to go. Keep reading and you’ll find out how this relates to your marriage and finances.  Then I’ll share some action steps to help you become 100% responsible for your life.

Three ways we avoid taking responsibility- especially when it comes to money and marriage

1.  We make excuses

Anytime we make an excuse we’re not accepting complete responsibility for our lives.  We say things like: That’s just the way it is,  I can’t… and I’m just not good with…

And when it comes to our money and marriage:

“My partner never listens to what I have to say, and spends money however he wants, and that’s just the way it is.”

“I just can’t make enough money to support my family, so my partner has to make enough to cover our family expenses, and that’s just the way it is.”

“I’m not good with money, so I just let my partner handle it.”

2. We blame and complain

We blame our spouses for our financial and relationship challenges.  We complain about their spending habits and behaviors, that they’re untrustworthy, or too controlling. While we may be speaking some truth, blaming our partner implies that we are powerless to change our circumstances, and so it gives us permission to do nothing.  I had one client who wisely told me, “I get so upset with the way my husband controls the checkbook- and I realize now why it’s easy  for me to just blame him, because then I don’t have to do anything about it.”

3. We make commitments and break them on a whim

Many people, who are thousands of dollars in debt, struggle with making impulse purchases that aren’t in alignment with their financial goals. Others spend time creating a budget only to blow it as soon as the desire comes over them to go shopping, or buy some “essential” purchase.  I call this the “I want what I want, when I want it” syndrome.

I recall the words of two husbands who attended one of my “Financial Dating” workshops:

“If I head out to the mall with my kids, I’ll easily blow $50, without giving it a second thought.  When it comes to my kids, I don’t always consider the big picture, like what my wife wants, what’s good for our family and how much we have in the bank.”

“I’ll write my budget, and calculate how much money I should spend in each category and yet, if something comes up in the moment, like say my wife wants to go out to dinner, I’ll do it, regardless of whether or not I’ve already spent what I budgeted for eating out.  If I want something, I’ll go out and get it, budget or no budget.”

Likely you recognize some parts of yourself in the comments above. Taking 100% responsibility means taking the road less traveled-it requires us to break the habitual patterns of excuse-making, blaming, complaining, and acting impulsively against our better judgment.

Despite the challenge, we can be light with ourselves about it, laugh at our tendencies, and still walk the difficult, but rewarding path of change. For now, I invite you to dive into the actions steps below, and enjoy the life of success that W. Clement Stone spoke of when he taught Jack Canfield about taking 100% responsibility.

Action Steps

1. 1. Track your excuses.  Write down or keep a mental note of when and how often you make excuses, complain, blame and do things impulsively, against your own better judgment.  Notice what you say to others, and what you tell yourself that keeps you from taking 100% responsibility.

1. 2. Create new habits. Make a point to interrupt the speech and actions that don’t support you.  Interrupt excuse-making, blaming and complaining, and replace them with “I statements” about how you feel.  Keep the focus on yourself – your feelings, your desires, your actions. Find ways to prevent impulse spending: use personal financial software like Quicken to track spending, so you can identify spending patterns that don’t support your top financial goals.

1. 3. Get support. Ask your spouse, family member or close friend to help you notice when you’re blaming or complaining.  Ask them for help sticking to your commitments and spending plan.  If you’re ready to move at quicker pace, consider one-on-one coaching.  Email me for more info.

Get on the same page and work as a winning financial team with your partner so you can peacefully talk about money, eliminate debt and create a solid financial plan to achieve your financial goals and build wealth.  Take the steps to transform your relationship with your spouse and money!

Discover how you’re creating your current financial situation with your spouse…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

My answer was “yes!”

The following story explains the reasons for, “If I have no debt, why should I bother learning about financial success?”

The answer lies within three common financial mistakes:

1. Maintaining the Status Quo

The first mistake is maintaining the status quo.  We tend to do the same thing we’ve always done and complain when we get the same results.  Dan Kennedy, consultant to millionaires says the following about predicting personal income:

“In one years time I can tell you how much money you’ll have, if you’ll provide me with the following information:

1. The balance in your bank account today.
2. An analysis of how you spend your time in an average week.
3. A list of the books and recordings you’ve read and listened to in the last month.
4. Some information about the five people you hang out with most.

For 90% of the population the answer is “The same.” In one years time you will have the same amount of money that you have in your bank account today.

I share this story to inspire you.  Whether you have debt or not, do you want to do more than just maintain your current financial state?  If so, then it is important to take action and expose yourself to new ideas and concepts. Otherwise, why would you expect your financial situation to be any different one year from now?

2.  Inconsistent Actions

People falsely believe that if they’ve made one really good financial move that they’ve done enough.  For example, they open a retirement account and continue to invest the same amount year after year without re-evaluating, or they start an emergency savings account and put a small one-time lump sum of money in it.  I teach people that the secret to  making consistent progress lies in taking bite-size steps towards financial success.  Consistent action over time creates success.

Focus on Progress Not Perfection.  Regardless of your financial situation the important thing is to make consistent progress.  As long as you’re making progress then you are moving in the right direction.

3. Not Working as a Team

Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this concept holds true. You have to work as a team with your spouse.  Many couples believe their “systems” work fine.  I often hear, “Oh, we’re fine!  I pay the bills and my wife balances the checkbook.”

Well, I’m glad everything is just fine, I think to myself.  But how much of your system is based on mutual discussion and working together as a cohesive financial team?

If you aren’t working on your finances as a team, you’re missing out on a connecting and life-changing process.

For people not in a relationship this concept can also be applied on an individual level, are you working as a “team” with yourself?  Are you supportive, positive and taking consistent steps to improve your finances? Notice your internal mindset and belief systems.  Do you feel pessimistic or optimistic when it comes to improving your finances?  Remember, financial success begins within.

Discover how you can take control of your financial situation now…

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

Then, over the course of several months, as a way to gain control and understanding of our finances we started having weekly Financial Dates^®, where we discussed our financial situation, set money goals and created an aggressive plan for eliminating our credit card debt.

How exciting it was to be on the same financial page with my husband and to be able to laser-focus our individual strengths on achieving our combined financial goals.  Talk about amazing synergy and excitement in our marriage!  Before having our Financial Dates^® I never would have believed someone who said working on finances together could be both empowering and fun – but it truly was.

Our lives began to change dramatically. Our commitment to our Financial Dates paid off – literally, we paid off 43% of our credit card debt during our first year of Financial Dating. During our second year and a half we completely paid off all remaining credit card debt.  We now pay for purchases in cash, max out our monthly contributions to our Roth retirement accounts, and have a fully funded savings account for six months of unexpected emergencies. Both of us feel more empowered and have grown closer as a result of having our Financial Dates^® each month.

There are nine steps to the Financial Dating^® Wealth Formula that got us where we are today.  I will share four basic aspects with you to give you a general sense of the process:  1) Decide where you’ll have your Dates and create atmosphere, 2) Create connection, 3) Get financially smart and 4) Take financial action.

1. Decide Where You’ll Have Your Dates and Create Atmosphere

You don’t have to hold your dates at the desk in your office in front of the computer.  Get creative and have fun!  Pick an environment that is enjoyable to you. I have worked with couples that go to a favorite park, restaurant or coffee shop to have their dates. You might want to vary your location from time to time.

If you decide to meet at home think of a place in your home that is comfortable and inviting.  You might want to order a carry out meal and enjoy it with a glass of wine while sitting in front of the fireplace during your Financial Date.  If you have your Financial Dates at home, think about how you might create a special place in your home just for your dates.

Create a relaxing atmosphere.  When my husband and I first started having our Financial Dates, I felt overwhelmed by the amount of ground we had to cover.  To help ease the tension I would create a relaxing atmosphere by putting on some soft music, or lighting a candle and burning incense.  This had an instant calming affect on both of us. Consider trying this for yourself.  Brainstorm with your partner a list of things you could do to create a relaxing atmosphere.  You’ll be surprised at how these simple actions can help you feel more relaxed.

My husband and I also held many of our first Financial Dates® hiking on a trail!  I would grab the necessary financial papers, stuff them in my coat pocket, and we would discuss our financial numbers as we hiked. Hiking was a great way to release stress and tension that arose during our money conversations!

2. Create Connection

Let’s face it—talking about finances can be stressful, especially when you consider all the times you’ve set out to have a calm discussion about money, and it ends in an argument.  It’s important to begin your Date feeling like you’re both on the same side. It’s important that you choose a way to connect with each other that resonates for both of you. Sometimes my husband and I would read a short inspirational story or poem and other times we would share our intentions or say a prayer out loud together.

3. Get Financially Smart

Choose a few informational excerpts from a financial book or on-line article to read out loud together.  Pick something that is appropriate for your combined interests and level of understanding about finances.  Give yourselves about ten minutes or so to read a few paragraphs. Make sure you allow for a few minutes of discussion time.

4. Take Financial Action

Read your goals out loud. This is a simple but very important part of your date.  Identify your top five financial goals that you want to focus on achieving.  Review this list of goals at the beginning of each date to keep these goals in the forefront of your mind.

You might also want to break your current goals down into monthly goals.  If you do decide to create monthly goals, you’ll review them at this time as well.

Set the agenda.  During this step you’ll create and write out an agenda of things you want to accomplish or discuss during your current Date.

Simple Action Steps You Can Take Now:

Discover what’s keeping you stuck in your current financial situation with your spouse. Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWed.,  March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

1. Ask your partner if they would be willing to have a Date to talk about your finances.
2. Schedule a Financial Date on your calendar!

We’ve been taught that creating wealth requires years of personal sacrifice:  to work long hours and not have time for ourselves, our relationships, and the things that matter most.  This paradigm, or map of reality, focuses on the end result at the expense of our quality of life. Wealth is separate from our selves, something “out there” for us to strive to grasp and own.

I invite you to experience a paradigm shift, where you engage in the world of money while creating both financial wealth and a quality of richness in your being and relationships.

A New Definition of Wealth

Your efforts to gain wealth can be an authentic and holistic process — an exploration and discovery of your true self.  I call this “True Wealth.”

True Wealth can be attained through:

1. Setting aside time for yourself and to nurture your spirit
2. Creating connecting relationships
3. Taking effective financial action

Picture these as three individual circles.  Each circle interlocks with the others.  In the center, where all three circles join, lies True Wealth.  By standing in this center, you will set aside time for self and your spirit, create rich and connecting relationships with others, and take effective financial action in the world.

The Secret to Creating Richness of Being

We can create a richness of being by connecting with spirit.  Spirit is the unseen part of us that fuels our sense of aliveness, allowing us to feel the depth and fullness of life.  By carving out personal time for ourselves, slowing down and listening deeply through all our senses, we can connect with spirit. By doing this we live our life in a more rewarding way and are more easily able to follow our unique blue print for creating wealth and powerful change.

Building Financial Success Through Connection With Spirit

People have many different names and definitions for what they think of as “spirit”.  Whatever we call it, think of spirit as the source that can transform our lives. Wayne Dyer says “Within the dormant acorn seed lies an infinity of forests.” Think of spirit as the “Miracle Grow” for your small acorn seed dreams.  By paying attention to and nurturing our selves our connection with spirit will become stronger, and we will come to know our unique blueprint for financial and personal success.

How Spirit Can Affect Your Financial Success

Often the way we handle our money is similar to the way we approach our lives -and the way we approach our lives is an indication of how we treat ourselves and how well we connect with spirit.  Some people are controlling and frugal with money, and tend to approach life in a similar way.  They have difficulty trusting and tend to over-think and over-plan each aspect of their lives.  Not surprisingly, they may try to control how their partner spends money.  They likely have a difficult time relaxing and exploring their own creativity.  For them, and for all of us, in order to create a different picture, we need to become aware of how we handle our money, our relationships and our lives.  By doing this we will begin to notice how, when and if we feel a connection with spirit.

Simple Action Steps You Can Take Now:

Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar on March 30th, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”

You can also write out your responses to the following questions:

1. How do you handle your money?  Do you worry, cling, avoid or take unnecessary risks?  How well do you take care of your own financial needs?

2. How do you interact with your partner when it comes to money?

3. How you do you get in touch with spirit, or creativity and inspiration?

4. How are your responses to these 3 questions similar?

Spending Plans are different than budgets in that they allow us to balance our desire to save more for the future (by investing in a secure retirement plan, an emergency savings fund, a down payment for a home and/or funds for a much needed vacation) with our desire to enjoy our lives now, in a way that supports our values and gives us freedom of choice.  A Spending Plan, typically made at the end of the month, involves creating guidelines and making intentional choices about where we’d like our money to go in the upcoming month.

1. Create a spending plan based on your spending history. Look at your spending for the previous month or the past couple of months by going through your bank statements, check registers and credit card statements.  HINT:  If you know you won’t take the time to gather past statements and to review your actual spending history you can make an educated guess at the amounts that you think you realistically spend in each category.  Then try to adhere to your new spending plan for a month.  Throughout the month add any bills/expenses that you forgot. Make adjustments to your spending categories at the end of the month – if you discover that you’re numbers weren’t realistic.

2. Divide your spending into these four broad categories: 1) fixed expenses, 2) variable expenses, 3) debt payments (don’t include your mortgage in debt payments–instead record it under your fixed expenses. You will, however, want to record your car loan under debt payments) and 4) savings.  You might not have any money going towards savings right now, but you’ll still want to retain this category to serve as a reminder of your savings goal.

3. Assign numbers to your spending plan based on your spending history, using your four broad categories. Itemize your individual expenses below each broad category.  For example, under the category of fixed expenses you’ll list: mortgage, health insurance, phone bill, car insurance, utilities, etc.  Record all your expenses on the left side of a piece of paper and on the right side list your income, your partner’s income and any income from other sources, and then get a total for all your income sources.

4. Make sure you work your numbers until your expenses equal your income so that your income minus your expenses equals zero. If you end up with an extra $200 after you’ve subtracted your expenses from your income, don’t just leave it as an extra $200.  Assign the $200 to a spending category like savings.  In order for your spending plan to really work you’ll need to refer to it once a week or at the very least, twice a month.  Mark out any expenses that have been paid and calculate how much money you have remaining to make sure you have enough money to make it through to the end of the month.  Your spending plan should have coffee stains on it and be well worn by the end of each month!

Simple Action Steps You Can Take Now:

1. Print off this article and put in on your refrigerator or tape it to the kitchen wall.

2. Ask your spouse in a very loving and kind way if he/she would be willing to set up a time to talk about creating a spending plan. Just know that they might feel a little defensive at first.  Tell them that you’re not out to control their spending but that you’d like to sit down and talk about how the two of you could achieve your financial goals together.

3. Determine a specific time and date to create a spending plan. Write this on your calendar. Remind your partner the day before so that it’s top of mind for both of you.

4. If your partner doesn’t want to do this – don’t let that deter you! Create a spending plan on your own and then show it to your partner and see what kind of tweaks and changes that they want to make – remember both of you have got to agree to the spending plan  – otherwise your partner won’t have the emotional “buy-in” to stick to the spending plan!

5. Collect your last month of credit card and bank statements and have these ready in advance of your spending plan conversation.  After you’ve completed these steps you’re ready to create your new spending plan with your partner!