Comments on: Marriage and Money Problems: What to Do When You Have Money Conflicts http://www.financialdating.com/marriage-and-money-problems-what-to-do-when-you-have-money-conflicts/ Build an inspired financial partnership and master the art of creating money and prosperity in your marriage. Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:11:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Leslie Cunningham http://www.financialdating.com/marriage-and-money-problems-what-to-do-when-you-have-money-conflicts/comment-page-1/#comment-27 Leslie Cunningham Fri, 19 Feb 2010 13:32:30 +0000 http://www.financialdating.com/?p=777#comment-27 Hi Brian and Kevin - Thanks so much for commenting because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. What most of us do when it comes to money and our spouses is that we immediately focus on our spouses behavior - we try to change them. While we do want to communicate honestly about the aspect of their behavior that is bothering us, we also want to look at how we are responding to it. Maybe we get angry or ultra controlling, which makes our partner want to defend (i.e. rebel) against us. So -- for starters we want to get honest about our part. AND, like Kevin has mentioned our partners may not be open to conversing OR changing behaviors. The spouse that I refer to in this blog post became clear on what he was willing to do and NOT willing to do in regards to finances. His wife had to look at that and determine if that was acceptable to her - if she could live with that. She could. There are some financial situations/behaviors that are completely unacceptable to us - that would drive us into "financial oblivion". We wouldn't be taking care of ourselves if we didn't communicate that to our spouse. Hi Brian and Kevin – Thanks so much for commenting because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. What most of us do when it comes to money and our spouses is that we immediately focus on our spouses behavior – we try to change them. While we do want to communicate honestly about the aspect of their behavior that is bothering us, we also want to look at how we are responding to it. Maybe we get angry or ultra controlling, which makes our partner want to defend (i.e. rebel) against us. So — for starters we want to get honest about our part. AND, like Kevin has mentioned our partners may not be open to conversing OR changing behaviors. The spouse that I refer to in this blog post became clear on what he was willing to do and NOT willing to do in regards to finances. His wife had to look at that and determine if that was acceptable to her – if she could live with that. She could. There are some financial situations/behaviors that are completely unacceptable to us – that would drive us into “financial oblivion”. We wouldn’t be taking care of ourselves if we didn’t communicate that to our spouse.

]]> By: Brian http://www.financialdating.com/marriage-and-money-problems-what-to-do-when-you-have-money-conflicts/comment-page-1/#comment-26 Brian Thu, 18 Feb 2010 19:07:58 +0000 http://www.financialdating.com/?p=777#comment-26 If I understand this correctly, you're saying to simply accept your partner's behavior. Correct? So, if my spouse spends too much money, I should not try to change the behavior. No matter what or how it is budgeted and no matter how much my spouse participates in the budget that is later ignored, then just let the behavior continue? I just can't understand the difference between the proposed solution and rationalizing. If I understand this correctly, you’re saying to simply accept your partner’s behavior. Correct? So, if my spouse spends too much money, I should not try to change the behavior. No matter what or how it is budgeted and no matter how much my spouse participates in the budget that is later ignored, then just let the behavior continue?

I just can’t understand the difference between the proposed solution and rationalizing.

]]> By: Kevin http://www.financialdating.com/marriage-and-money-problems-what-to-do-when-you-have-money-conflicts/comment-page-1/#comment-25 Kevin Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:41:35 +0000 http://www.financialdating.com/?p=777#comment-25 I'm not sure what the point of your message is other than to look inward which, in your example, does not always create awareness on the part of the partner who is has her hand on the throttle of the train headed into financial oblivion. I have been married twice, and in both instances my wives felt maintenance of their lifestyle, at any cost of debt and savings, was more important to financial stability. I divorced them both because of it. Two quote one, "he is a good earner, he'll figure out how to pay the bills", to my most recent rapture with Ms. "no money, no love", denial and blame is easier. Rational approach, coaching, education, multi-color pie charts, "horror stories", patience, to no success. It seems some women/people prefer irresponsibility - its'easier. I’m not sure what the point of your message is other than to look inward which, in your example, does not always create awareness on the part of the partner who is has her hand on the throttle of the train headed into financial oblivion. I have been married twice, and in both instances my wives felt maintenance of their lifestyle, at any cost of debt and savings, was more important to financial stability. I divorced them both because of it. Two quote one, “he is a good earner, he’ll figure out how to pay the bills”, to my most recent rapture with Ms. “no money, no love”, denial and blame is easier. Rational approach, coaching, education, multi-color pie charts, “horror stories”, patience, to no success. It seems some women/people prefer irresponsibility – its’easier.

]]>