In coaching women entrepreneurs to transform their relationship with money in their business, marriage and life, I’ve noticed that there are three common money beliefs that consistently come up that contribute to stress, struggle and overwhelm and ultimately cause them to stay stuck at their current income level…

Belief #1. “I’m not good at making money.”

This was a big belief that held me back for years in my business.  I didn’t relate to being a powerful money creator.  I could only relate to managing money – not creating it. 

I knew that whatever small amount of money I had coming in I could pinch and scrimp to make it work out.  I would spend less, choose a cheap dinner when going out to eat with friends, forgo buying clothing – anything to make ends meet.  I was a magician when it came to making money stretch. 

Many women entrepreneurs do not relate to their ability to make great money.  They relate to squeezing by, or coming up with money in the last minute when they get stressed out enough or it becomes a crisis.

How you can begin to shift this belief: 

To begin shifting this belief ask yourself… “What would it feel like to be a powerful money creator?”  And… “If I were a powerful money creator what would I be doing?”  I guarantee you’ll feel some discomfort at first, but eventually you’ll begin to relate with BEING a powerful money creator.

Belief #2. “I have to have everything figured out before I put myself ‘out there’ in a big way.”

Women entrepreneurs too often feel like they have to have everything figured out before they begin promoting themselves. 

There are countless tasks to accomplish in our businesses – it’s actually a never-ending list!  We have to figure out what kind of client’s we want to work with, what our specialty is going to be, get our website up a running, learn how to generate leads…  on and on it goes.

How you can begin shifting this belief: 

It’s not true that we have to wait until we’ve got every aspect of our business figured out before we begin putting ourselves out there.  If we believe this we only get more waiting.  We need to put ourselves out there and begin making money NOW, while giving ourselves the opportunity to tweak our business as we progress. 

We’ll get invaluable information and insight about our businesses if we’re willing to get into action now and start tweaking our business while moving forward.

Belief #3. “I’m too overwhelmed with everything that’s going on in my business and my personal life, and I don’t know where to focus.”

This is a huge challenge, especially when you’re juggling another job or you have a family to take care of.  There are endless things to do.  I know when I became a mom I seriously thought I was going to stop working for a couple of years. 

However after becoming a mother I realized that I knew I was meant to be both an amazing mom and make an even greater difference in my business. 

How you can begin shifting this belief: 

Start with knowing that it’s possible to have a rich life and a thriving business, regardless of how busy or full your life seems.  My son is 21 months old and my business and free time both have tripled over the last couple of years.  In order to begin shifting this belief you have to get very committed to living, loving and working richly.  It literally starts with making this commitment to yourself and then getting the support you need to move out of overwhelm.

Belief #1. “I’m not good at making money.”

This was a big belief that held me back for years in my business.  I didn’t relate to being a powerful money creator.  I could only relate to managing money – not creating it…..

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“I can’t stand it when you don’t to listen to my position! It’s like you’ve already made up your mind and you refuse to hear any other perspective!” He shouted back.

I hated to admit it (and I certainly wasn’t going to in the heat of the moment) but I knew he had a point….

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My husband swore he was right.  I just as adamantly swore he was wrong.  “No, the fence needs to go right here!”  I yelled as I stomped my foot firmly on the ground for added effect.

“I can’t stand it when you don’t to listen to my position!  It’s like you’ve already made up your mind and you refuse to hear any other perspective!”  He shouted back.

I hated to admit it (and I certainly wasn’t going to in the heat of the moment) but I knew he had a point.

“Here we go again,” I thought to myself. We were trapped once again in our same, familiar pattern of arguing.

My husband and I have always been great at expressing ourselves and holding a space for uncomfortable feelings and emotions.  And because of this we don’t stay angry at each other for long and we don’t carry deep-seated resentments.  But our arguments leaned towards the explosive side of things, almost as if we were using each other to vent and purge our uncomfortable feelings, rather than working towards understanding and compromise.

My desire is to support you in having courageous, stress-free, connecting and productive money conversations with your partner.  It is commonly known that finances are the number one source of conflict for couples.  However, did you know that the cornerstone of financial success for couples lies in improving your communication with your partner?

The quality of your money relationship with your spouse is directly related to your communication skills.  The first step to creating a wealthy relationship is to listen to your partner.

Listening is more important than talking.

Okay, repeat after me, “Listening is more important than talking.”  Did you get it?  I mean did you really get it?  It’s counter intuitive to how we’re wired.  Most of us have a desire to talk first, listen last.

For now I want to invite you to absorb this simple, yet profound concept. Holding the intention to listening, instead of talking is guaranteed to improve your relationship with money in your marriage.

In the heat of the moment when you’re upset it can feel virtually impossible to be receptive to listening, and you’ll probably find yourself saying things that you’ll only regret later.  When you notice yourself doing this it’s best to just stop and request a time out so that both of you can re-group and talk later.

Please keep in mind that these are the listening basics.  My intention is to keep this process simple so that you will actually use it when listening to others.  Remember that in order to transform your financial relationship with your spouse you have to move from KNOWING this information at an intellectual level to actually practicing it.

• Don’t interrupt.  This is still a challenge concept for me to keep top of mind! I’m a really great listener when it comes to listening to my clients, but unfortunately not as great when it comes to listening to my husband.  However, because of my commitment this is something I am working to constantly improve.

  Notice all the times you feel an impulse to interrupt when someone is talking – and choose not to.  Wait to comment until they have fully completed their thought before commenting.

• Really listen.  Focus on listening to what the other person is really saying.  Be present with the actual words they are sharing instead of being preoccupied with what YOU want to say next.  Don’t be in a hurry to share your wisdom, instead focus your attention on being eager to hear what THEY have to say.
• Seek to understand the other person’s feelings.  As you’re listening try to get a sense of what is going on for the other person at a deeper level.  Seek to understand the essence of what they want to convey and what they’re feeling.  Remember you don’t have to agree with what they’re saying you’re simply seeking to understand them.

These steps are fairly basic and straightforward. Practice your listening skills with fairly benign topics at first, so that you’re able to listen when discussing more stressful and volatile issues (like money).

You can choose to make a game out of listening to others.  Make it fun!  Decide that you will really listen to every person that you interact with over the next week (including friends and family members).  And notice how it changes and alters your connections. After one week has passed, commit to listening in this way for another week, and then another.

You’ll find that when you set the intention to be fully present during each interaction – especially the benign ones, that you’ll feel better equipped to hold the space and maintain your listening awareness during money conversations with your spouse.

Many women entrepreneurs falsely believe that if they’ve made one really good financial move they’ve done enough.  They open a retirement account and continue to invest the same amount year after year without re-evaluating.

Or they try a particular marketing strategy and get frustrated when it doesn’t pan out and result in the kind of money or increased clients they had hoped for.

Not only that but as women entrepreneurs we tend to do the same things we’ve always done and complain when we get the same results.  Dan Kennedy, direct marketing guru and consultant to millionaires says this about predicting personal income – “One year from today’s date, 90% of us will have the exact same amount in our bank account.”

The secret to success lies in taking consistent bite-size steps, continually setting clear income goals and prioritizing “income producing” activities in your business.

This includes being clear on how much money you intend to create in your business EACH month.  To create your “number” don’t worry or get bogged down with “how” you are going to achieve your goal at first.

Simply get quiet and ask yourself how much money you’d like to create in your business this month.  When you have a number in your mind ask yourself what kind of action you can take to achieve your income goal.  And then get into action!  Make sure you focus on taking your “monthly income goal” action steps first thing each morning.

Rearrange your weekly schedule so that you have 1 – 2 hours each morning to focus on the tasks in your business that will put you on the fastest track towards making more money. 

This includes scheduling speaking engagements or teleseminars so that you increase your visibility, following up with prospects and focusing on the actions that will help you create your next big pay day in the next 30 to 60 days.

Fast-forward 7 years of married life with 3 daughters… it surely has changed that little bit of respite during the weekend. 

Last month during our Financial Date® I suggested that we look into incorporating the ‘veg out’ Saturdays and try involving the children…..

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“When my husband and I began dating we would often have a ‘veg out’ Saturday.  It would involve sleeping in, watching or renting movies, playing games and eating left over’s.  It was quiet, relaxing and also very fun.

Fast-forward 7 years of married life with 3 daughters… it surely has changed that little bit of respite during the weekend. 

Last month during our Financial Date® I suggested that we look into incorporating the ‘veg out’ Saturdays and try involving the children.

So now on Friday night we remind the kids that they are encouraged to sleep in Saturday and that we will make popcorn later on for some family movies and family games to enjoy and then take a walk to the playground.

It is very relaxing and makes you realize the value in having this time for your body, mind and soul to rejuvenate.  It has created peace and eliminated the mentality and desire to go shopping right after a pay week and instead enjoy more quality family time.

"I wanted to send you an email to share this with you because you inspired me with your latest article on having a ‘stay-cation’, and creating a vacation at home instead of traveling.”

This email arrived in my in-box from one of my on-line newsletter subscribers.  I immediately smiled when I read about her inspiration of having a designated weekly “veg out” day. 

It’s easy to get busy and overcommitted

I’ve noticed that as a mother and business owner it’s all too easy to get focused on forward- thinking and planning everything for every minute of the day and every day of the week. 

Many women entrepreneurs easily fall into the trap of believing that relaxation and down time must be reserved as the ultimate reward we indulge in only after completing our work,
errands and family obligations.

But this kind of thinking has a faulty error.  As long as we’re living, breathing human beings we are kidding ourselves when we think that there will come a point in time when we’ve completed all the tasks on our never-ending business and personal to-do lists. 

If we wait until we have more time for “vegging out,” relaxing and simply just “being” that time will never arrive.

Slowing down can actually be something that you easily integrate on a daily, weekly and monthly basis. 

My husband and I recently re-discovered the joy and simplicity in eating a warm breakfast together in the morning and consistently having dinners as a family in the evening.

I found some placemats and a new candle centerpiece for our dining room table so that eating meals can be a beautiful experience instead of just a matter of functionality.

It’s amazing how these simple acts of sharing meals can serve as a cornerstone for good old fashion family connection.

Weekly, it can be as simple as designating a “veg-out” day, like the subscriber of my newsletter suggested.

I love the idea of discussing the many possibilities for how women might want to spend their day off in advance so the entire family can anticipate it.  At first it might take some getting used to – you don’t make any plans or commitments but just allow yourselves to be spontaneous AND laid back. 

Every month my husband and I plan a weekend get-away to someplace different.  We might escape to a forest service cabin, go soak at a nearby hot springs or go camping.  We look at our calendars and schedule these weekend retreats 2 to 3 months out.

We actually mark them down even though we don’t usually know for certain where we’re going or what we’re actually going to do – we plan to figure it out a week or two before we leave. 

We’ve also planned some retreats as “staycations” where we don’t make any plans at all for the entire weekend.  Instead we’ll incorporate a “veg out weekend” where we might go for a hike, bike ride or ski in the mountains depending on the season, work on a puzzle together or just lounge around and watch a movie. 

I have come to realize that having a busy life does not necessarily equate to being fulfilled.  To me life is about much more than just working hard to make more money and get ahead – it’s about living and loving richly™. 

We are mistaken when we assume that that our thoughts accurately describe our financial reality.
Most often our thoughts only describe our INTERPRETATIONS about it….

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Most women entrepreneurs don’t make money in a powerful way because they’re unable to distinguish their real-life money reality from their misleading thoughts and beliefs.

We are mistaken when we assume that that our thoughts accurately describe our financial reality.
Most often our thoughts only describe our INTERPRETATIONS about it. 

In order to create powerful breakthroughs in our money life we must begin by making a commitment to being “truth-seekers and truth-tellers” and become doggedly determined to sort our money facts from fiction.

I remember feeling frustrated at one point when I thought I wasn’t going to meet a particular income goal.  I had just a few months remaining before the mid point of the year and it didn’t seem like I couldn’t possibly make it happen.  A heavy sense of hopelessness and despair came over me.

I was buying into the negative inner dialogue and stories in my head.  Then, in a moment of clarity I recognized that my beliefs weren’t “describing THE ACTUAL TRUTH of my situation.”  So, I decided to “get financially honest” and re-commit to sorting out the facts from fiction. 

I also realized that the only true fact about my situation was how much money I had actually brought into my business up to that point.  The rest was just a story about what that number meant.  

The conversations in my mind sounded something like:

“No one wants to work with me.”
“I can’t possibly achieve my mid-year income goal now.”
“I can’t create successful programs that people want to pay for.” 

On and on and on droned the voices of despair.  All of these were simply my thoughts and inner commentary about what had happened… NONE of them DESCRIBED THE ACTUAL FACTS. 

When I separated my beliefs from the facts a new possibility arose – I realized that I could still achieve my income goal.  The result?…  I went on to achieve it within the next one and a half months.

Apply This to YOUR Life

If you’re feeling any type of negative emotion: frustration, despair, panic, lack of motivation, anger, overwhelm or dissatisfaction about your money situation chances are pretty good that you are mistakenly believing that your inner thoughts are describing “THE TRUTH” about your financial situation. 

Strive to see your negative emotions as “a bell of mindfulness” ringing in your head to send you an immediate signal that you need to stop what you’re doing and sort out the money facts from fiction. 

When you really “get” that the majority of your money stories are not THE TRUTH or AN ACTUAL FACT then you will be able to get clear about what you want to create. 

You can literally ask yourself this question, “If the only fact is _______________  (fill in the blank), and all the other thoughts that I’ve been telling myself are NOT the truth, what kind of money breakthrough would I like to create?”  Listen to the answer and take the next inspired action step that comes to mind for you.

1. Set intentions.  Identify what you want to achieve on during your retreat. Keep in mind there isn’t any right or wrong way to set intentions. It’s just a matter of what you want to focus on during your time together. 

Last year, for example, my husband and I wrote our intentions down on paper and then taped them to a wall to serve as a constant reminder of what we intended to accomplish and how we wanted to spend our time.

A few of my intentions included being fully present and receiving insight on how to authentically make a vastly huge difference in my business and achieve my next break-through income goal for the new year.

2. Share celebrations, successes, gratitude and acknowledgements towards your spouse and those who have helped you succeed. This was really fun for me.  It’s easy for me to bypass the success part

It seems as soon as I’ve accomplished something, I’m ready to move on to my next big goal.  It’s extremely important to acknowledge your successes so that you fully integrate them and see yourself as the new person you’ve become.

Take some time to acknowledge your spouse for things you appreciate about them.  You’ll also want to make sure you acknowledge their accomplishments and the transformations that you saw take place for them over the past year.  This can range from both big things and also the little things. 

One of my acknowledgements for my husband was how much I appreciated him taking care of me when I was sick.  He went the extra mile to make a homemade coughing formula when I had a really bad cold last year. You’ll also want to acknowledge all the other people in your life who have helped you succeed over the past year.

3. Get clarity about where you’re currently “at”.  Most of us are so eager to focus on the goal setting process, that we bypass gaining additional clarity about our current situation. 

Be willing to be honest and explore the good, bad and the ugly of your current state of affairs.  Identify what’s working and not working right now in your financial life, career and personal life. 

How much money are you making?  How much total debt are you carrying? What is your relationship like with your partner? What things “bug” you about them that you haven’t communicated recently (or in a clear, calm way)? 

Think beyond finances to areas like housekeeping, sharing family chores and work-life balance.  This is very powerful to discuss – but be forewarned, it can also be an obvious hot button!  Most of the time we let things go unsaid, and resentments can build up over time. It’s a great way to come “clean” and move forward. 

Reflect on how you are individually doing in the following areas: career, health, marriage/family, fun/leisure time, friends/community, spiritual and financial.  In other words, think about your entire life, not just isolated segments of it.

4. Create a vision for your marriage/family.  This is a new category for my husband and me.  We talked about wanting to be more intentional with how we treat each other as a couple.

We’ve been together 11 years now (married seven).  It’s easy to assume that you know who your partner is after you’ve been together for a while. 

We decided to be more intentional about intimacy in terms of “into-me-you-see” which, in essence, means really seeking to understand each other’s perspective instead of jumping to conclusions and not fully listening. 

We wrote out two to three sentences to post on our bulletin board at home to serve as an ongoing reminder about how we want to treat each other.

5. Identify your exciting, “impossible” future.  Now we come to the really fun part!  Identify your goals and dreams for the upcoming year. 

I highly encourage you to come from a place of identifying dreams and goals that are exciting for you, instead of merely what you think is possible. 

Also, spend some time reflecting on why particular goals are important to you.  By gaining a deeper understanding of the importance of those goals, you will be able to access inspiration for taking action during challenging times when motivation is at a low and you’d rather not make the effort.

6. Get clear on how you will achieve your goals.  This is the really crucial part.  Think about how you will achieve your goals.  Ask yourself, “What is currently missing that, if I had in place, would help me achieve my goals?”.

I found that I was clear on how to achieve many of my goals, and I didn’t need to ask myself what was missing. 

However, on the bigger and challenging ones (I had about three of them) I asked myself this question, which helped me gain clarity regarding the specific action steps that were needed to pursue those goals.

Live and Love Richly Bite-Size Action Step

Okay, here’s the exciting part!… ask yourself if you’re going to read this article for mere entertainment value, or if you’re actually going to do something different in your life! 

1. Print out this article and place it in your calendar in the month of October or November, so you can start thinking about and planning your retreat two months out. 

2. Talk to your partner (or a close friend) about scheduling a year- end retreat right now for next year.  Don’t wait to see if you’re able to take the time off from work.  Just commit to scheduling it now, and work everything else in your busy schedule around it.  Then, bring this article to your retreat so you can follow the format.

If Taking Time Off From Work is a Challenge

If time off from work and family is a concern, perhaps you could start out with going away for two to three days and then build up to five.  If you just don’t have the time to escape, set up a few mini Financial Dates with your partner to go through the year-end retreat format.  

My husband and I have already scheduled our next year-end retreat.  We usually decide where we’ll go in December (so far we’ve picked places here in Montana and plan on driving about two to four hours away from our home).

Lastly, make sure you purchase a journal to record your goals and visions.  It’s fun to look back at your progress through the years!

I’d love to hear from you about YOUR experiences – what’s working AND what isn’t!