Comments for Financial Dating

Comment on Marriage and Money Problems: What to Do When You Have Money Conflicts by Leslie Cunningham

Leslie Cunningham — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 13:32:30 +0000

Hi Brian and Kevin – Thanks so much for commenting because it gives me the opportunity to clarify. What most of us do when it comes to money and our spouses is that we immediately focus on our spouses behavior – we try to change them. While we do want to communicate honestly about the aspect of their behavior that is bothering us, we also want to look at how we are responding to it. Maybe we get angry or ultra controlling, which makes our partner want to defend (i.e. rebel) against us. So — for starters we want to get honest about our part. AND, like Kevin has mentioned our partners may not be open to conversing OR changing behaviors. The spouse that I refer to in this blog post became clear on what he was willing to do and NOT willing to do in regards to finances. His wife had to look at that and determine if that was acceptable to her – if she could live with that. She could. There are some financial situations/behaviors that are completely unacceptable to us – that would drive us into “financial oblivion”. We wouldn’t be taking care of ourselves if we didn’t communicate that to our spouse.

Comment on Marriage and Money Problems: What to Do When You Have Money Conflicts by Brian

Brian — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 19:07:58 +0000

If I understand this correctly, you’re saying to simply accept your partner’s behavior. Correct? So, if my spouse spends too much money, I should not try to change the behavior. No matter what or how it is budgeted and no matter how much my spouse participates in the budget that is later ignored, then just let the behavior continue?

I just can’t understand the difference between the proposed solution and rationalizing.

Comment on Marriage and Money Problems: What to Do When You Have Money Conflicts by Kevin

Kevin — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:41:35 +0000

I’m not sure what the point of your message is other than to look inward which, in your example, does not always create awareness on the part of the partner who is has her hand on the throttle of the train headed into financial oblivion. I have been married twice, and in both instances my wives felt maintenance of their lifestyle, at any cost of debt and savings, was more important to financial stability. I divorced them both because of it. Two quote one, “he is a good earner, he’ll figure out how to pay the bills”, to my most recent rapture with Ms. “no money, no love”, denial and blame is easier. Rational approach, coaching, education, multi-color pie charts, “horror stories”, patience, to no success. It seems some women/people prefer irresponsibility – its’easier.

Comment on How to Budget: Set Up a Fixed and Variable Checking Account by Leslie Cunningham

Leslie Cunningham — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 17:53:02 +0000

I’m so glad you like this Theresa… It has been hugely helpful not only for my husband and I but for the couples that I coach as well. I find that it is especially helpful to separate monthly debt payments into the “fixed debt” category (with the exception of mortgage payment – that should remain within the “fixed expenses” category). This allows people to see how much they are actually spending on debt. It makes it more motivating to pay off their fixed monthly debt, because then they can see how much extra money they’ll have to live on once their debt is paid off.

Thanks for your thoughts and ideas Theresa. I really appreciate them!
Leslie Cunningham

Comment on How to Budget: Set Up a Fixed and Variable Checking Account by Theresa Ip Froehlich

Theresa Ip Froehlich — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 03:47:19 +0000

Leslie, This fixed/variable spending idea is great for budgeting. I am coaching some people (through our church) to help them do a better job at Money Management. I’ll share you blog with the ministry leaders and participants.
Theresa Ip Froehlich
Certified Life Coach

Comment on How to Avoid Stressful Money Conversations by Theresa Ip Froehlich

Theresa Ip Froehlich — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:06:23 +0000

Not talking about money is a very North American thing. It’s one of those “off limits” topics in American culture. In the Chinese culture from which I came, it is quite acceptable to ask questions like “How much money do you make in one year?” or “What did you pay for your car?” The taboo sentiments about money have created a barrier in building relational intimacy.

Comment on How To Create Intentional Resolutions for the New Year by Our 2009 Year End Retreat For Setting Goals and New Years Resolutions | Financial Dating

Sat, 23 Jan 2010 16:07:23 +0000

[...] we get married, our dreams are pushed to the background as we rush to juggle careers and family. Read my blog post on how to set Intentional New Years Resolutions so you can learn the exact steps you can take to have a Year End Retreat with your partner! Share [...]