Get More Done By BEING More
Not too long ago I was going through my wooden chest that was crammed with cards, letters, books and memorabilia from my childhood. I picked up a stack of letters and slips of paper that were bound by ribbon. I gently untied the ribbon and started flipping through the pile.
The first envelope contained a letter from my best friend in 4th grade. The next, a note from a boyfriend in 6th grade, read, "Dear Leslie, will you go with me? Check YES (written in very big, bold print, with a big box next to it) or no (written in tiny, scribbled handwriting with a very tiny box next to it)."
I chuckled aloud as I read his note. Then my eyes caught sight of a very old to-do list that I had typed out on my dad’s manual typewriter. I must have written it when I was in 3rd or 4th grade!
The list read:
Things to do Today
- Wash my face
- Feed Pearly (my pet rabbit)
- Clean my room
- Iron handkerchiefs (We used to get paid 10 cents for each handkerchief that we ironed!)
- Be popular (how funny is that!?)
- Buy Barbie Doll clothes
I laughed initially as I read the items on the list. Then my glee shifted to amazement that I had been writing to-do lists since 4th grade! I guess I always believed that if I did just the right thing I would achieve my desired result. Fast-forward that belief to when I first started my private coaching practice.
When I first started my business, I believed if I did just the right kind of things, I would generate X amount of income. I believed that if I took the right financial action steps, I would end up with X amount of savings. And if I got all the things done on my to-do list, I would truly be happy. I used to think that creating financial or personal success was all about taking the right kind of action.
Rushing Through Life in the Fast Lane
I realize now that I used to rush blindly through my days from a place of sheer force and will power, with the single-minded goal of paying homage to the great to-do list Gods in the sky! After writing out my to-do list each morning, I became engaged in a wrestling match against time and immersed myself in a frantic, sweaty race to the finish line. My days had the sole focus of "doing more."
All that mattered was that I got everything done – because if I got everything done, then I’d be successful. I know I’m not alone— many people struggle with this.
We’re such a doing-oriented society, rushing from one activity to the next in a wide-eyed panic, always making the future more important than the current task at hand.
But this kind of frantic to-do list mentality has a fatal flaw in it. Sure, our lists serve the purpose of creating structure for our days. But just because we complete everything on our to-do lists doesn’t mean that we’re guaranteed to achieve our desired goal.
The true secret to achieving our desired goals is to notice who we’re being each moment throughout the day. Are we anxious, frantic and driven? If so, this will impact the end result. Our clients, colleagues or customers (and especially family) will instantly know if we’re not present with them.
While we may be showing up physically, the divinity within us is not present to connect with the divinity in others. There isn’t the quality of conversation that leaves someone feeling like they’ve received something of value. Instead we are coming from an egocentric state of mind.
Coaches especially are highly susceptible to making this error when working with clients. Many coaches mistakenly believe that coaching is all about getting a client to take a particular action to accomplish a particular end result.
I’ve noticed that when I’m able to support my clients in looking at who they are being in the moment, they are able to access to what I call "true personal power."
Redirect Your Focus from the Outside to the Inside
Many times we think everything is "out there happening to us." We get frustrated with the way our schedules act upon us and we feel like we have no control over the events that happen in our lives. Instead of feeling frustrated, we can shift our attitude by asking ourselves, "Who am I being right now?"
When we do this, we’ll notice whether or not we’re being judgmental, feeling stressed or focusing on achieving a specific end result while neglecting the process.
All of this indicates that we are not in a place of peace—rather, we are in an egocentric state of mind. And if we’re willing to be acutely aware, then we can make a choice to become present with whatever we are doing, and proceed with peace and openness.
This simple act of becoming aware and choosing who we are being in any given moment can create powerful results.
Sure, you can still create a to-do list. But instead of going through the day with the goal to check off everything on your list, set a goal be to be aware of who you are being while you are doing. You’ll become a lot more present, and experience higher quality end results.
Bite-Sized Action Steps You Can Take Now
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Set the intention in the morning to be aware of how you feel during the day and to notice when your body feels tense and anxious. Also set the intention to notice the thoughts that accompany your tension.
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Constantly ask yourself, "Who am I being right now in this moment?" "Who am I being in this particular situation?" "How am I reacting to what I hear, see, feel, experience?"
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When you notice in the moment that who you are being is reactive, judgmental, rushed, anxious or frantic, ask yourself, who would I like to be. And set the intention to shift this energy for yourself – you can do this by setting the intention to be joyful, accepting, calm or however you would like to be.
Your actions will always follow your true intentions. You don’t have to know what to do next. Simply set a new intention and notice how your actions and behavior shifts to support your new intention.
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Take a brief moment to close your eyes, get quiet and ask yourself who you feel an inner craving to spend some quality time with. Is it your partner, child (or children), family member, friend or just spending some quality time alone?
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What kind of creative, rich experience would you like to have? Allow yourself to have fun with this – what ideas come to your mind? Know that it doesn’t have to involve a lot of time.
It could be as simple as going out to tea, going for a walk, or making dinner together. You can also wait to talk to the person to decide what you’d like to do.
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Talk to that person and mark a date on your calendar for getting together. Even if you’re not sure what you’re going to do, go ahead and pick a time and date anyway (putting the big rocks in first).
How to Live Fully When Your Life Feels Too Full
* I wrote this article several years ago and this approach has made an incredible difference in my business ever since!
“I feel like we’re playing hooky from work!” I turned and looked at my husband’s wider-than-life grin beaming across his face in the afternoon sun. Drawing a deep breath, I took in the incredible beauty around us: snowcapped mountains, blue skies above and fresh snow under our feet. “You know, I feel the exact same way!” I exclaimed. It was early Friday afternoon and we were doing a five-mile backpack-ski to a forest service cabin for a three-day trip in the Elkhorn Mountains in Montana.
I felt so grateful to be outside during a “work week” on such a glorious day. My mind flashed back to 23 years ago when I skipped school and spent a sunny, late spring day cruising around with my girlfriends.
When I returned to school I brought with me a forged note from my dad stating “Please excuse Leslie from her missed day at school, as she was taking care of her sick Grandmother.” As fate would have it, something about the letter seemed highly suspect to the high school principal.
Was it the mention of a Grandmother who lived two states away? Or was it my neat cursive handwriting that revealed the note’s true origin? I’ll never know. But I spent the last day of my senior year in High School serving detention!
Yes, it felt good to experience the alive, tingling sensation in my stomach and the excitement and sense of freedom in my heart as we skied down the winding trail in the mountains. And this time there were no adverse consequences to pay! I was so thankful that my husband and I had taken the time a month earlier to pick a weekend for getting away.
Put First Things First
In his book, “7 Habits of Highly Effective People,” Stephen Covey shares a story about the concept of “putting first things first.”
A time management instructor was speaking to a group of workshop participants. On the table in front of him was a wide-mouth gallon jar. Beside the jar was a pile of fist-sized rocks. He took the rocks and carefully placed each one in the jar until it was completely filled. He then asked the group if they thought the jar was filled to capacity. Everyone in the group nodded their heads in agreement; yes it was plain to see the jar was definitely filled.
The instructor then pulled out a bowl of gravel from under the table and poured it into the jar. Once again he asked, “Is it full now?” At this point the class was beginning to catch on. “No!” they yelled.
He then pulled out a small sack of sand and poured it into the jar. He looked up at the group, “Is it full now?” Without waiting for their response he leaned down and picked up a pitcher of water from under the table and filled the gallon jar with water.
“What’s the point of this demonstration?” he asked the group. “The point is, if you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all!"
Several months earlier my husband and I took the time to look at our calendars together. We set aside a weekend in the upcoming month to escape for three days to a place where we could have a rich experience together.
We had no idea what we were going to do. All we did was mark the weekend on our calendars. By doing this, we were putting our big rocks in first. We knew that, otherwise, we would get busy with work, errands, chores, or the other countless things that seem to come up.
Once we arrived at the cabin time seemed to stand still. It felt like we had skied into a life where busy schedules seized to exist. We spent the weekend doing simple chores – chopping wood and hauling water from the creek that was half a mile away.
We went for a long hike on the southern exposed side of the mountain. We paused often and drank in the view while we snacked on trail mix, beef jerky and cheese, enjoying easy laid back conversations with each other.
I felt like we were kids again on summer vacation. Our minds weren’t busy thinking and planning. There were no concerns or worries – just pure presence and joy.
They say you can’t stop time. But I disagree. Time stood still for three glorious days because we put first things first. We made a conscious decision to organize our busy lives around our value of spending time together in a creative adventurous way. Because of this we returned feeling revitalized and refreshed – with memories we wouldn’t trade for the world.
Simple Steps You Can Take To Live Fully and Create Rich Experiences
Do you value having rich, creative experiences with the people you love and care about – but your busy life seems to get in the way of making that happen?
Here’s what you can do to put first things first:
How to Live Fully When Your Life Feels Too Full Podcast
“I feel like we’re playing hooky from work!” I turned and looked at my husband’s wider-than-life grin beaming across his face in the afternoon sun. Drawing a deep breath, I took in the incredible beauty around us: snowcapped mountains, blue skies above and fresh snow under our feet. “You know, I feel the exact same way!” I exclaimed. It was early Friday afternoon and we were doing a five-mile backpack-ski to a forest service cabin for a three-day trip in the Elkhorn Mountains in Montana.
I felt so grateful to be outside during a “work week” on such a glorious day. My mind flashed back to 23 years ago when I skipped school and spent a sunny, late spring day cruising around with my girlfriends…
Click below to listen to the podcast.
How to Create Playful Success With How You Manage Your Time And Grow Your Business Podcast
I wrote the article below several years ago and this approach has made an incredible difference in my business ever since!
I was staring into the faces of the two colleagues who had become dear friends after spending the last several days together. I was bemoaning to them (through the tears streaming down my face),
"I’m so frustrated that parts of my work feel like such a chore! I know I’m making a significant difference – but I’m frustrated that I’m working so hard and exerting so much effort. I feel like I’ve gotten off track with my integrity."
That was when they encouraged me to allow myself to really embrace my playful and creative nature in terms of how I spend my time in my business and personal life…
Click below to listen to the podcast.
How to Create Playful Success With How You Manage Your Time And Grow Your Business [7:55m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | DownloadHow to Create Playful Success With How You Manage Your Time And Grow Your Business
* I wrote this article several years ago and this approach has made an incredible difference in my business ever since!
I was staring into the faces of the two colleagues who had become dear friends after spending the last several days together. I was bemoaning to them (through the tears streaming down my face),
"I’m so frustrated with how I manage my time and that parts of my work feel like such a chore! I know I’m making a significant difference – but I’m frustrated that I’m working so hard and exerting so much effort. I feel like I’ve gotten off track with my integrity."
That was when they encouraged me to allow myself to really embrace my playful and creative nature. Sure, I love to use my creativity and I’m passionate about encouraging others to access their creativity.
My mind recalled countless playful experiences from my past
My mind flashed back to all the past fun and exciting gatherings that I had created for my friends and husband. I have so many memories of these creative times—hosting a "Bring Your Best Dressed Spud Halloween Party," where friends dressed up potatoes and we handed out prizes for the best dressed spud.
This party left all of us rolling on the floor amongst our peals and howls of laughter. And the countless "artist retreats" that my husband and I would go on, renting forest service cabins in the beautiful mountains.
He would write new songs with his guitar. I would work on my illustrations for my greeting card designs (one of my former occupations before discovering my life’s true calling of running a coaching business).
And then there was the full moon rafting trip late one summer where we rafted down the river in the company of good friends and the larger-than-life harvest moon.
Okay, yes it’s obvious to anyone who knows me well that I clearly have a creative and playful side. "But come on," I thought, "There’s a difference between play and work, they’re pretty much on opposite ends of the spectrum."
In his book, Free Play, Stephen Nachmanovitch writes about the sheer joy of playing. He describes play as a state of mind where we focus on the process – the sheer joy of play, and not the destination or end result. He encourages us to recognize that the act of play in and of itself is the destination. When we play we have nothing to gain and nothing to lose because we have no expectations.
Remember a time when life proceeded at a slower pace?
Is this why, when we were younger, our days seemed to stretch out endlessly before us, as opposed to our lives as adults, where we rush frenetically through the day, and each year rushes by faster and faster, like a runaway train beyond our control? Is it because we’re so focused on the end result and getting somewhere that we’re not even truly present in the task at hand?
How many of us rush around like the rabbit character in the Winnie the Pooh books? Rabbit was always in such a hurry to be somewhere, that he would sign his letters, Back Soon, Rabbit. So Pooh always called him Back-Soon-Rabbit.
I realized that coaching with my clients always feels like pure joy to me. I love listening to them and connecting with them.
Often, after I finish my coaching days, I’ll sit in my living room on my couch looking out at the mountains, feeling the energy and joy of my connections from the day. But the details of my work, that was another thing entirely. Ugh!
After talking to my colleagues, I found myself filled with inspiration and confidence. After all, I had nothing to lose with this "playful work" concept.
Set an intention to play and have fun at work
Before I began working I would say out loud, "Okay, I’m setting the intention to play, have fun and be creative today at work. I trust that this can be a fun process. I set the intention to notice when my work isn’t fun and then to ask myself in the moment how I can change what I’m doing to make it more fun and playful."
Believe it or not, crazy things starting happening! It was amazing. While working on an outline for a speaking engagement proposal I noticed my left brain kicking in, and the taskmaster in me saying that I needed to do more research and think more about my proposal before sending it off.
Because I had set the intention in advance to notice when I didn’t feel like I was playing or having fun, I was aware that my neck began to tighten in the moment. After noticing the tension in my body I told myself,
"Well, I feel like I’ve done enough writing on this proposal. This no longer feels fun and playful, and my sense is that I don’t need a huge amount of detail in my proposal. It’s good enough as it is." And with that I hit the send button on my computer. A few hours later I received an email congratulating me on securing the speaking engagement. I just laughed. Was it really possible for work to be this easy and playful?
I started applying this approach into other aspects of my business. When it came to selecting a guest for my upcoming radio show I decided to allow my mind to be quiet and to see what kind of fun and playful inspiration came to me.
Normally my radio show has focused on the practical sides of managing money, but I knew in an instant that I wanted to talk about how the way we approach life on an internal level affects the external income we create.I had an instant insight about who I would invite to interview on my show. The radio interview was not only exciting and fun, but I received lots of positive feedback from listeners.
I’m starting to notice if I’m integrating the spirit of play into my work. It’s been a lot more fulfilling, and results have been occurring with greater ease and fulfillment. It has been an incredible experience. I feel like a modern day alchemist who once had a stack of straw that has now been turned into a pile of gold.
Steps to Take Now!
Where could you benefit from setting the intention to integrate a more playful spirit with how you manage your time in your business and your life? Where are you currently feeling stress and tension in your work or life? Is it around your finances? Building your business? Getting work projects completed on time without feeling too stressed or freaked out? Running errands?
Wherever it is, clearly identify it. And then before starting that particular activity, state your intention out loud to be playful and have fun.
Notice when the activity no longer feels playful in the moment and then ask yourself what you can do to make it playful. And remember, lighten up and have fun. The true spirit of play is about the process and not the end result.
What’s it like for you? Do you have a lot of tension, stress and overwhelm during your workday? Or have you stumbled on something that really helps you have more fun and create effective results in your business and life? I’d love to hear from you about YOUR experiences!
