Wealth In All Forms, Shapes and Sizes
I went for a walk yesterday just as the sun was beginning to set and had cast its magical glow over the snowy fields and mountains. I wasn’t feeling particularly
motivated to be out but I felt like I needed to clear my head after spending a long day at the computer.
The trail contoured a steep hillside. I soon found myself at my familiar perch—a rock outcropping that overlooked the valley below. I’ve looked upon this view countless times, but something struck me on this particular evening as I witnessed the lights coming on inside the houses below and the cars traveling on distant roads.
A passage from Deepak Chopra’s book, The Spontaneous Fulfillment of Desire, came to my mind. It reads:
“At a deeper level, there really is no boundary between selves and everything else in the world. When you touch an object, it feels solid, as though there is a distinct boundary between it and you. Physicists would say that we experience that boundary as solid because everything is made up of atoms. The solidity is the sense of atoms bumping up against atoms. But consider what an atom is. An atom has a little nucleus with a large cloud of electrons around it. There is no rigid outer shell, just an electron cloud. To visualize this, imagine a peanut in the middle of a football stadium. The peanut represents the nucleus, and the stadium represents the size of the electron cloud around the nucleus. When we touch an object, we perceive solidity when the clouds of electrons meet. However there is no solidity. Is there solidity when two clouds meet? No. They meld and separate. Something similar happens whenever you touch another object. Your energy fields (and electron clouds) meet, small portions meld and then you separate…We can see how connected we are to everything else in the physical world.”
And these words came to me: “Even though it seems we’re miles apart we are connected by our beating hearts.”
It’s easy to go about our days focusing on ourselves without recognizing our connection with others. We forget that the clerk at the grocery store is a REAL person. We forget that the people driving their cars are REAL people (especially when they cut us off in traffic!). We even fail to experience real connection with the intimate people in our lives, because that person is “just our brother” or “just our mother.” We assume we know who they are and how they act in all circumstances. When we don’t like what we see in others we have a tendency to write them off. When we do this we no longer experience a real connection with them. However, whether or not we experience our connection with them doesn’t change the fact that we are all most intimately connected.
My grandma died over a year ago at the beautiful spry age of 101. At her funeral many of the staff from the rest home approached my father to express how much his mother had meant to them. They were touched by my grandma’s sincere interest in their personal lives. They were touched by her presence. My dad on the other hand had a very different experience of his mother as he was growing up. He experienced her as someone who was extremely controlling, and he always interacted with her in a defensive manner. As a result, he never experienced a true connection with her. But that didn’t change the fact that he was connected to her.
When we think about building wealth in our lives, the first thing we tend to focus on is how we can create more money. But we can’t overlook the simple but profound wealth in our connections with people in our lives.
We are profoundly and deeply connected with one another – whether we personally experience this connection or not. To experience our deep connection with others is one of the most special forms of wealth that life has to offer. Wealth comes in all people, all forms, all shapes and all sizes.
Learn the art and science to building wealth and creating financial success…
Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”
From Financial Challenges to Financial Celebrations – Penleope’s Story in Her Own Words
It’s amazing to recall all the struggles I used to experience around money. One of my biggest challenges was my 
overall lack of knowledge about finances—I felt completely inadequate and money management seemed very complicated… Something other people were capable of succeeding at but not me.
I believed that I would never be successful at balancing the constant onslaught of money demands and needs for our large family (my husband and I have four girls).
I was afraid that if I took an honest look at our family’s expenses in relation to our income, I would feel like we had nothing to hang our hats on. I also experienced a lot of resentment. I blamed my financial inadequacies on my girls—my excuse was that I was too busy taking care of them to sit down and create a budget.
I also blamed my husband for not making more and managing better. I resented that he made the majority of the money decisions in our family.”
Through our work with Leslie I realized that the reason my husband had more say with our finances was because I gave him more say. He made the money decisions because I wasn’t willing to step up and assume more responsibility! And yet I was secretly afraid that if I assumed more financial responsibility our situation would get worse and I would feel overburdened.
I experienced a breakthrough when through Leslie’s coaching and support I realized that I actually suffered more when I didn’t step up and assume financial responsibility. Ironically, when I started taking on more responsibility around money I felt lighter, freer, and more empowered.
The Financial Freedom Light at the End of the Tunnel
Working with Leslie has brought me the confidence and peace around money that I never knew I could have. Learning to create a spending plan was especially empowering for me. A spending plan gives us the flexibility to decide how we’re going to spend our money each month based on our needs and wants for a given month.
Instead of being locked into a budget that remains the same month after month, we decide each month exactly how we spend our money. We base our decisions on our past month’s spending (which we track closely, looking at how much we spend in each area of our lives).
Creating our Financial Headquarters
One of the actions we took that made the biggest impact on our lives was creating what Leslie refers to as our ‘financial headquarters.’ We now have a specific place we keep our mail, our bills, our ‘bill pay calendar’ (which lists all our bill due dates) as well as an organizer that contains all the necessary items for paying bills like stamps, staplers, envelopes, pens and post-it notes.
During the week I open the day’s mail and sort it in the proper place, making sure the bill due dates are recorded correctly on our bill pay calendar. I recycle the day’s junk mail. Every week my husband and I sit down together and look at our bill-pay calendar to see what bills we need to pay. We have truly created order out of chaos.
I used to equate spending money with love. I thought that if I began to take control of my finances and reign in my spending habits I would be withholding love and freedom from my girls, our family, and myself. But much to my surprise I discovered that love is really about being more conscious about my money decisions.
I realized that I’m not being loving when I randomly purchase things and don’t have a clear sense of how much I’m spending and what impact it will have. I’ve learned I can say “no” from a loving and supportive space. Saying “no” to an unplanned dinner out means that I get to say yes to something else that is more meaningful to me – like paying down our debt.
Creating a Break Through With Money
This work has been an amazing transformational process for me. Just this last Christmas my teenage daughter told me that this had been one of the best Christmas’s ever. Instead of fighting over money, my husband and I had a clear plan for our spending and were working together as a financial team.
Our commitment to our financial journey and working with Leslie has not only resulted in us getting rid of over $3,000 in debt but it has improved our relationship. And because of that my husband and I are able to be role models of true financial responsibility for our girls. I can’t imagine a better legacy to pass on to our children.
. Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWed., March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”
How I Got Out of Debt, Got on the Same Page and Started Building Wealth
I came into this work shortly after my husband and I were married. Like many newlyweds, we did many things that caused us to go into debt. I quit my secure job to spend time on the road with my husband, who is a professional singer/songwriter.
This was an amazing time for both of us. We then honeymooned in New Zealand and had some wonderful adventures that still cause me to laugh and fill me with joy when I think about them.
Eight months later, when we came home, I remember walking back to the house after collecting the afternoon mail. I started flipping through the envelopes. I saw a credit card statement, another credit card statement and our bank statements. It was in that moment that I felt a deep tension in the pit of my stomach.
I realized that even though I had married the man that I absolutely loved and adored, I really didn’t have a clear sense of how he handled money and how the two of us were going to blend our different approaches to handling money in our marriage. I was very organized, detailed and more frugal with money. He was more of a laid-back free spirit type. I also knew that getting on the same financial page was a key factor in creating a successful marriage and financial future.
Going Out On a Limb
I asked my husband if he would be willing to set up a time each week to talk about our finances and develop a plan for getting rid of our credit card debt (we had acquired over $43,300 in credit card debt over a three year period). My husband said he would be willing to do this. He was skeptical—but willing.
We came to refer to our weekly meetings with each other as our Financial Dates®. After we would complete a Financial Date, both of us felt surprisingly uplifted and empowered.
As a result of having our Dates we completely paid off all of our credit card debt within two years, started funding our retirement accounts, quit arguing about money, gained a solid understanding of our cash flow and created a spending plan that both of us were motivated to stick to. That was just the tip of the iceberg. And you know what—those changes didn’t really surprise me that much.
What completely surprised me was the synergy that my husband and I experienced when working together to achieve our financial goals and dreams. We wouldn’t have experienced this in our relationship had we not come together with a unified goal of improving our finances as a team—not individually, but as a team. This added an entirely new dimension to our relationship. I began to think of these Financial Dates as our own holistic approach to money and marriage success.
“Leslie, It’s Imperative That You Share This with the World!”
I was sharing the details of one of our Financial Dates with my mentor coach at the time, and she stopped me in mid-sentence, and exclaimed, “Leslie, you have so much excitement and passion around this Financial Dating concept and it’s an amazing idea. You have got to share it with the world!”
So with her encouragement, I completed my training to become a professional certified coach so that I could teach this process to others. I received my credentials through Coach Training Alliance, which is accredited through the International Coaching Federation. I then began to teach our Financial Dating Process to other couples.
Financial Dating® Created Financial Success for Other Couples
I remember one particular call I received from a man on a cold Montana day. He sounded overwhelmed and frustrated. He said, “Leslie, I heard about you through a friend of mine and you sound exactly like the person that we’re looking for. I really want to talk to you about finances and how to make this work in our marriage.” I invited him to attend a Financial Dating class I was teaching.
After the class he walked me outside and said, “You are the person that we’ve been praying for. I walked out of the house last week and it was the worst fight that my wife and I had had, and I swore to her, I promised her that I would find somebody who could help us, and you’re that person.”
I put together a Financial Dating class and he got together several other couples and I started teaching them how to have Financial Dates. One year later he shared with me that for the first time in 14 years he and his wife had finally put a clamp on the internal hemorrhaging in their finances. They willingly changed their destructive money behaviors, stopped charging to their credit cards, paid off $13,779 of debt, put $4,879 into an emergency savings account and saved over $51,200 in interest by transferring a personal loan. He also shared that he felt significantly closer to his wife. If they could do it, you can too.
Living a Fulfilling Life that’s in Alignment with Our Deeply Held Values
I have come to realize that successful money management is so much more than just paying off debt, buying a new home and stashing more money away in our retirement accounts. True financial success is about living a life that is in alignment with our most cherished values. It’s easy to say that we value our health, marriage, children, friends and family. But when we step back and look at how we spend our time and money, we’ll see that we often don’t spend it on the things that are most important to us. There’s nothing like money to easily pull us off track.
We have to stop and define what financial success means to us. I believe that true financial success is about having a life that is filled with life enriching experiences and time for the relationships that really matter. That means slowing down and not working so hard. Financial success is about the lives we touch and the lasting memories we make. It’s about spending less, giving more and living more.
Discover how you’re creating your current financial situation with your spouse…
Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”
Taking 100% Responsibility – The Prerequisite for Creating Money & Marriage Success
In his book, “Success Principles,” Jack Canfield shares a story about working with W. Clement Stone, a self-made millionaire worth $600 million in 1969. He 
tells how Mr. Stone pulled him aside one day and asked him if he took 100% responsibility for his life. Jack stutters, “I think so.” Stone replies, “This is a yes or no question, you either do or you don’t.” Jack goes on to assure him that he does indeed take responsibility for his life. Stone asks: “Have you ever blamed anyone for any circumstance in your life? Have you ever complained about anything?” Jack admits he has.
Stone then goes on to explain:
“That means you don’t take 100% responsibility for your life. Taking 100% responsibility means you acknowledge that you create everything that happens to you. It means you understand that you are the cause of all your experience. If you want to be really successful, then you will have to give up blaming and complaining and take total responsibility for your life – that means all your results, both your successes and your failures. That is the prerequisite for creating a life of success. It is only by acknowledging that you have created everything up until now that you can take charge of creating the future you want.”
It’s a simple concept, to refrain from blaming and complaining, and yet it’s a challenge to change a habit, especially one that everyone else has. Like sticking to your diet, when everyone else around you is enjoying chocolate cake. It requires you to resist the impulses, tendencies, and trends that don’t really get you where you want to go. Keep reading and you’ll find out how this relates to your marriage and finances. Then I’ll share some action steps to help you become 100% responsible for your life.
Three ways we avoid taking responsibility- especially when it comes to money and marriage
1. We make excuses
Anytime we make an excuse we’re not accepting complete responsibility for our lives. We say things like: That’s just the way it is, I can’t… and I’m just not good with…
And when it comes to our money and marriage:
“My partner never listens to what I have to say, and spends money however he wants, and that’s just the way it is.”
“I just can’t make enough money to support my family, so my partner has to make enough to cover our family expenses, and that’s just the way it is.”
“I’m not good with money, so I just let my partner handle it.”
2. We blame and complain
We blame our spouses for our financial and relationship challenges. We complain about their spending habits and behaviors, that they’re untrustworthy, or too controlling. While we may be speaking some truth, blaming our partner implies that we are powerless to change our circumstances, and so it gives us permission to do nothing. I had one client who wisely told me, “I get so upset with the way my husband controls the checkbook- and I realize now why it’s easy for me to just blame him, because then I don’t have to do anything about it.”
3. We make commitments and break them on a whim
Many people, who are thousands of dollars in debt, struggle with making impulse purchases that aren’t in alignment with their financial goals. Others spend time creating a budget only to blow it as soon as the desire comes over them to go shopping, or buy some “essential” purchase. I call this the “I want what I want, when I want it” syndrome.
I recall the words of two husbands who attended one of my “Financial Dating” workshops:
“If I head out to the mall with my kids, I’ll easily blow $50, without giving it a second thought. When it comes to my kids, I don’t always consider the big picture, like what my wife wants, what’s good for our family and how much we have in the bank.”
“I’ll write my budget, and calculate how much money I should spend in each category and yet, if something comes up in the moment, like say my wife wants to go out to dinner, I’ll do it, regardless of whether or not I’ve already spent what I budgeted for eating out. If I want something, I’ll go out and get it, budget or no budget.”
Likely you recognize some parts of yourself in the comments above. Taking 100% responsibility means taking the road less traveled-it requires us to break the habitual patterns of excuse-making, blaming, complaining, and acting impulsively against our better judgment.
Despite the challenge, we can be light with ourselves about it, laugh at our tendencies, and still walk the difficult, but rewarding path of change. For now, I invite you to dive into the actions steps below, and enjoy the life of success that W. Clement Stone spoke of when he taught Jack Canfield about taking 100% responsibility.
Action Steps
- 1. Track your excuses. Write down or keep a mental note of when and how often you make excuses, complain, blame and do things impulsively, against your own better judgment. Notice what you say to others, and what you tell yourself that keeps you from taking 100% responsibility.
- 2. Create new habits. Make a point to interrupt the speech and actions that don’t support you. Interrupt excuse-making, blaming and complaining, and replace them with “I statements” about how you feel. Keep the focus on yourself – your feelings, your desires, your actions. Find ways to prevent impulse spending: use personal financial software like Quicken to track spending, so you can identify spending patterns that don’t support your top financial goals.
- 3. Get support. Ask your spouse, family member or close friend to help you notice when you’re blaming or complaining. Ask them for help sticking to your commitments and spending plan. If you’re ready to move at quicker pace, consider one-on-one coaching. Email me for more info.
Get on the same page and work as a winning financial team with your partner so you can peacefully talk about money, eliminate debt and create a solid financial plan to achieve your financial goals and build wealth. Take the steps to transform your relationship with your spouse and money!
Discover how you’re creating your current financial situation with your spouse…
Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”
Are You Making One of These Financial Mistakes In Your Marriage?
Recently, a woman asked me “Should I take your ‘Creating a Blueprint for Financial Success’ workshop?” It was a great question. She had no debt and was 
curious if the workshop would benefit her.
My answer was “yes!”
The following story explains the reasons for, “If I have no debt, why should I bother learning about financial success?”
The answer lies within three common financial mistakes:
1. Maintaining the Status Quo
The first mistake is maintaining the status quo. We tend to do the same thing we’ve always done and complain when we get the same results. Dan Kennedy, consultant to millionaires says the following about predicting personal income:
“In one years time I can tell you how much money you’ll have, if you’ll provide me with the following information:
- The balance in your bank account today.
- An analysis of how you spend your time in an average week.
- A list of the books and recordings you’ve read and listened to in the last month.
- Some information about the five people you hang out with most.
For 90% of the population the answer is “The same.” In one years time you will have the same amount of money that you have in your bank account today.
I share this story to inspire you. Whether you have debt or not, do you want to do more than just maintain your current financial state? If so, then it is important to take action and expose yourself to new ideas and concepts. Otherwise, why would you expect your financial situation to be any different one year from now?
2. Inconsistent Actions
People falsely believe that if they’ve made one really good financial move that they’ve done enough. For example, they open a retirement account and continue to invest the same amount year after year without re-evaluating, or they start an emergency savings account and put a small one-time lump sum of money in it. I teach people that the secret to making consistent progress lies in taking bite-size steps towards financial success. Consistent action over time creates success.
Focus on Progress Not Perfection. Regardless of your financial situation the important thing is to make consistent progress. As long as you’re making progress then you are moving in the right direction.
3. Not Working as a Team
Whether you’re in a relationship or not, this concept holds true. You have to work as a team with your spouse. Many couples believe their “systems” work fine. I often hear, “Oh, we’re fine! I pay the bills and my wife balances the checkbook.”
Well, I’m glad everything is just fine, I think to myself. But how much of your system is based on mutual discussion and working together as a cohesive financial team?
If you aren’t working on your finances as a team, you’re missing out on a connecting and life-changing process.
For people not in a relationship this concept can also be applied on an individual level, are you working as a “team” with yourself? Are you supportive, positive and taking consistent steps to improve your finances? Notice your internal mindset and belief systems. Do you feel pessimistic or optimistic when it comes to improving your finances? Remember, financial success begins within.
Discover how you can take control of your financial situation now…
Click here to sign up for my FREE webinar onWednesday March 31st, “Personal Transformation Through Money: How to Consciously Achieve Your Money Goals And Create Financial Success in Your Life.”
